Beginning with a Posture of Listening

“Conflict Transformation” and “Restorative Justice” are two terms that I’ve heard a lot over the years but have never done a deep dive to learn more about either one. This past March I had the chance to attend a three-day conference on exactly those two topics. The conference was led by Lorraine Stutzman Amstutz, Jim Amstutz, and Sue Park Hur. The group was made up of about 30 people of fairly diverse backgrounds; the Mennonites in the room were a minority, and it was fascinating to hear the perspectives and stories of the other participants.

Throughout the three days we spent together, we reviewed a framework of conflict transformation and restorative justice, learned about a variety of tools to facilitate listening and understanding, and practiced our newfound skills in case studies. We explored how Adverse Childhood Experiences shape the way we respond to conflict, examined our own conflict styles, and reflected on how power dynamics play into all of it. We reflected on our cultural identities; practiced validating, paraphrasing, and open-ended questions; and dove into Old and New Testament Bible passages to see how Scripture addresses conflict.

This is the last line of the introduction of the participant manual we received (written by Michelle E. Armster and Lorraine Stutzman Amstutz):

“We begin not with answers, but with a posture of listening to one another, to the Spirit, and to the wisdom of communities who have long practiced the work of building community.”

This sentence has continued to challenge me—it’s a good reminder that I do not have all the answers (or even half of the answers!), and I only see things from one perspective. When I am able to listen and ask genuinely curious questions of myself, of others, and of the Holy Spirit, I learn things that I never would have been able to come up with on my own.  

One activity we did that surprised me was using a daisy-like flower in which we filled in the petals with the cultural groups we felt most influenced by. Because there were so many petals, the activity encouraged me to think beyond my most obvious identity markers (being white, middle-class, a woman) toward the subtler groups that also shape me: I’m the oldest child, English is my first language and Spanish is my second, I grew up in the rural Pacific Northwest where there weren’t many other Mennonites, went to a public school for K-12, to name a few. So many things influence our daily decisions and how we look at the world; when we take time to reflect on those influences, we see ourselves and others more clearly. For me, it also reinforces the idea that we are all connected in some way (whether we want to be or not!). 

It was a lot of information to pack into a short time period, and many years could be spent learning about the many different aspects of conflict transformation and restorative justice. I would encourage anyone who has a chance to learn more about either topic to take it—it will challenge you to learn more about yourself as well as the people you interact with. The likelihood is high that you will be humbled and learn something about yourself that was easier not knowing but will make you a more compassionate and understanding person.  

Kiara Yoder

Zion Mennonite Church

Salem, Oregon