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By Joan Yoder Miller
timbrel, September-October 2000
“To ‘listen’ another’s soul into a condition of disclosure and discovery may be almost the greatest service that any human being ever performs for another.”—Douglas Steere
We need places where we can be heard by another who is attentive with us. We need someone who can help us tap into the deeper roots and springs that encourage and inspire us; someone who can help us sort things through and make choices.
Originally associated with the Catholic Church, spiritual direction is an ancient resource which now reaches across denominational lines to seekers wanting to articulate the movement of God in their lives.
Spiritual direction is not therapy, doctrinal teaching, advice, or figuring out the answers. It is companionship. Awareness. Listening. Searching. Questioning. Surrender. It is of mystery, of prayer, of obedience, of abandonment to God.
The term “spiritual direction” is woefully wanting, for its concern is not simply with the spiritual but with the whole person; not simply with the life of prayer but with the whole life. Neither is it “direction” in the sense that the director knows the way and instructs another in what to do and how to do it. To the extent there is a director, the director is always the Holy Spirit.
Yet the spiritual direction hour is “spiritual” in that one looks at the Spirit at work in the deepest dimensions of human experience. It is “direction” as it facilitates the finding of one’s own path in response to the Spirit’s movement. Spiritual guidance, then, is the process of bringing to awareness this deepest level of reality in which one lives, watching for and attending the presence of God.
A spiritual director encourages the hearing of God’s word, observes the movement of the Spirit, hears confession, encourages prayer, and offers a place of accountability. The relationship is not that of parent to child, teacher to student, or guru to disciple. It’s more like the South African proverb that says, “The reason two antelopes walk together is so that one can blow the dust from the other’s eyes.”
Perhaps the director has a bit more understanding and objectivity, but the Way is a precious mystery to both, informed by scripture, the life of Christ, prayer, dreams, spiritual reading, creation, and life itself.
Why or when might one seek out spiritual companioning? When lost. When found. When scriptures seem alive. When scriptures seem dead. To connect with the inner language of dreams. To sort out God’s absence or presence. For accountability. For honesty.
It is perfectly acceptable to shop for a director in order to find a person to whom we can show our less-than-perfect selves and who will speak the truth in love. Beware of a director who has all the answers, who knows with certainty what God’s will is for you, or who is in problem-solving mode.
Look for someone who listens, responds, laughs, probes, wonders, prompts, confronts. Look for someone who feels safe to you. Look for someone whose connection to the Gospel you trust. Look for someone who continues to do their own work with their own spiritual director. Ask yourself what matters most to you: Gender? Age? Distance? Faith tradition? Training?
In the first meeting, a seeker might be prepared to ponder a few questions: What matters to you now? What do you know about what you are seeking? What is your experience of God? This would also be a time to ask a few questions of the director.
An agreed upon evaluation several months down the road can be useful. Generally, a directee can expect a one-hour session monthly.
Monetary compensation for the work of spiritual direction varies. For some, it is always offered as a spiritual gift. For others, it is the means of livelihood. Certainly, it is a costly exchange for both persons. In the U.S., when something is taken seriously, usually a monetary value is put upon it. It is best to ask a director what is desired around money.
Both the offering and the receiving of spiritual direction are a wonderful privilege. Listening and being listened to are precious gifts we can offer one another.
Or in the words of the psalmist: “We took sweet counsel together, and walked into the house of God in company” (Psalm 55:14, KJV).
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Sidebar: Spiritual directors rarely hang out a shingle, so how are they found?
Some regional conferences maintain lists of spiritual directors.
A pastor or friend may be able to make a recommendation. Places of retreat may offer direction or can point the way to finding it. You can check also with a nearby training center listed on the Spiritual Directors International site.
Or it may be as simple as asking someone if she or he would become a spiritual companion to you. As Henri Nouwen once said, “Many would become wise and holy for our sake if we’d invite them to assist us in our search for the prayer of the heart.”
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