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The Kitchen Table by Lorraine Eby   January 2012 The Christmas decorations are now packed away, the cookies have disappeared, and the gifts have all been given.  If statistics are valid, the majority of gifts purchased or received this year were some form of an electronic devise.  We are a pleasure seeking society and electronics promise us blissful pleasure and convenience. I have a few of these techy things and enjoy the pleasure they can bring.  I became the owner of a laptop about a year ago, a retirement gift to myself, and our children gifted us with a router last Christmas so I have internet access at any place in the house.  I can research a recipe in the kitchen, check email while watching TV, and work on The Kitchen Table article in my comfortable recliner.  The laptop really became my best friend this summer during my recovery from a leg fracture while I was homebound for two months. Next to visits from friends, my laptop brought me great pleasure via emails of encouragement, games to play, and other internet resources to spend the long hours with my leg propped up.

Sister Care conference role   Lorraine Eby serves as Franklin Conference Sister-Care coordinator, role added to conference in 2009.   Darrell Baer, Franklin conference minister, said he thought Eby’s position should connect to the whole conference by serving on the conference board. At this time, the board also hoped to send a new voice to Constituency Leaders Council (CLC), along with Baer and Allen Lehman, moderator. “This gives her a platform for her position,” says Baer.  Eby will work closely with the Franklin conference MW executive committee who proposed this position to the conference as a way of strengthening the ministry of Mennonite Women with in the local congregations.   Lorraine says, “The important part of this assignment for me is to find ways to support women in the congregations, to encourage women to care for one other and to affirm each other's gifts."    Lorraine and her husband, Don, are members of the Marion Mennonite Church in Chambersburg, Pa., where she serves as minister of church life. She is the coordinator for church and community relations at Menno Haven Retirement Communities in Chambersburg. As Sister Care coordinator she writes a monthly column for The Burning Bush titled “The Kitchen Table.

It is so easy to buy into the pleasure seeking allusion.  The media keeps us aware of the newest and greatest gadget to thrill adults and children through their creative ads, such as how we will feel if our cell phone doesn’t deliver text messages “on time” and we will be the last to know.  Parents are under pressure to provide and equip their kids with the best they can afford.  Theme parks provide new rides that promise the best thrill ever. Even the hobby of scrapbooking keeps moving to new levels of creativity. What are the cons to living with this constant pursuit of pleasure?  Dr. Achibald D. Hart, senior professor of psychology and dean emeritus at Fuller Graduate School of Psychology, author of the book entitled, Thrilled To Death, How the Endless Pursuit of Pleasure is Leaving us Numb, has some startling comments.  Here is how he describes the thrill effect on the pleasure center of our brain. “In our fast-paced, pleasure-seeking society, we are obsessed with increasing our level of excitement to feel a sense of pleasure.  When we go to the movies, we expect the action sequences to be more thrilling and spectacular than before.  Our music must be louder and edgier than the last CD.  Even in our churches, preachers must out-wow their last sermon or we might not go back again.  We have become addictively dependent on persistent thrills and kicks. . . Our continuous pursuit of high stimulation is snuffing out our ability to experience genuine pleasure in simple things. . . A feeling of joylessness and cheerlessness is affecting all of us and it is not going away. . . If we don’t take action to correct it, deriving pleasure from the ordinary and healthy experiences of life will be a thing of the past.”   The action needed is to intentionally plan “rest” times in our schedule. It means redirecting our life and pursuing healthier pleasures, the pleasures we gain from healthy eating, a good night’s sleep, God’s creation, and living out our God-given passion and purpose.   Unlike how we are conditioned to believe, it is the little pleasures that make our life worth living. We are reminded in Psalm 1:2 that the righteous seek after the good things, “You thrill to God’s Word.” (The Message) Elder Joseph penned the lyrics to this Shaker song: 'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free 'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be, And when we find ourselves in the place just right, 'Twill be in the valley of love and delight. When true simplicity is gain'd, To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd, To turn, turn will be our delight, Till by turning, turning we come 'round right.   Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator   December 2011 The Biblical stories of Mary and Elizabeth tell the journeys of two women, one very young and one much older, sharing a similar experience. They each conceived through super-natural causes and the birth was foretold by Gabriel, a messenger from God. But how they responded to the announcement was handled very differently. Elizabeth did not experience the angelic visit herself but her husband did. He was told the child would be special and achieve great stature with God. When Elizabeth realized she was pregnant, her response was to go off alone for five months. We don’t know where or how she spent this time but we know it was in solitude. (Luke 1:24) The wonder of having a child in her old age must have been unimaginable; at least we know it was for her husband. Mary received confirmation of her pregnancy some six months later through a personal visit from Gabriel. What a surprise encounter for one so young and single and she had a question to ask.  “How can this be, since I am a virgin?”  Gabriel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you and the power of the Highest will hover over you and your child will be called Holy, the Son of God.  Oh, and, by the way, your older cousin Elizabeth, known to be barren, is pregnant and in her sixth month.” After the angel encounter, instead of wanting to be alone, Mary responded by rushing off to share the experience with another woman.  Who but Elizabeth would understand her awesome story?  Since her pregnancy had the potential to cause her disgrace, she needed someone who would listen and rejoice in her story and understand without condemnation.  Elizabeth receives her with great excitement and truly understands the reality that Mary is carrying the Messiah!  Mary bursts into praise and worship.  Don’t you wish you knew more about their interaction?  We do know the visit with Elizabeth lasted for about three months. (Luke 1:56)  Perhaps Mary was present when Elizabeth gave birth. Like Elizabeth and Mary, we don’t all respond the same way to a similar experience.  Some are very private and seek solitude to process their thoughts before wanting to share with anyone.  For others they have a need to talk it out or verbalize their feelings with a compassionate friend, trying to make sense of what is happening in their journey.  As we care for others, we will do well to respect the differences in each other, to ask the Spirit for discernment in our spiritual care. Sometimes it is best that we wait in intercessory prayer for those who need personal space and time.  For others, we make ourselves available, putting aside our own personal agenda and listen compassionately and lovingly as they pour out their story.  Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator November 2011 Last week we were notified that the password for our on-line banking account needed to be changed, again. There was no getting into the account without making the change. I must confess that composing new passwords for web accounts is not one of my favorite things to do. And I did some complaining. How do you come up with new passwords all the time? And where do you store this list of passwords for the numerous accounts so that they are kept current and secure but available? Keeping all the passwords up to date and recorded could turn into the equivalent to a part time job. In all my complaining about the password dilemma, imagine my surprise when I discovered God has a password. While meditating  on Psalm 100:4 from the Message, I read, “Enter with the password, ‘thank , you.’ Make yourselves at home, talking praise. Thank Him. Worship Him.”   In the New Testament, Phil. 4:6, we are reminded, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. In the book, The Greatest Lessons I’ve Ever Learned, Ruth Bell Graham talks about her insight of God’s password. “Suddenly I realized that the missing ingredient in my prayers had been, ‘with thanksgiving.’ So I put down my Bible and spent time worshiping Him.  This covers more territory than any one mortal can comprehend.” It appears that in our coming into the presence of God there is a sacred ingredient we need to bring with us - a spirit of gratitude.  A genuine thankful heart does not come easy.  It’s a rare day when we feel totally content.  Usually we are hoping or wishing for something we think would make our lives happier.  We’re like spoiled children, always asking and seldom saying, “I love you.” A spirit of gratitude is not the same as saying ‘thank you’ at the right time and often, such as saying grace at mealtime or making a list of things we are thankful for at Thanksgiving.  It is not about counting our blessings instead of sheep.  It is a kind of joy, deep within our spirit, an acceptance of life even when we would wish our reality or past happenings to be different.  To experience this deep joy takes a deliberate effort on our part of reflecting on our humanness and God’s holiness. The prayer of Julian of Norwich helps me understand what a spirit of gratitude is about: “God, of your goodness give me yourself, for you are enough for me.  I can ask for nothing less that is completely to your honor, and if I do ask for anything less, I shall always be in want.  Only in you I have all.” I am so grateful to know that God’s password never needs to be updated. And I need not fear that I may forget where I wrote it down.  It remains the same, with thanksgiving.  Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator October 2011 In gatherings where prayer requests are given, I often come away with a deep concern for how hard it is to reach below the surface in what we bring as a request, myself included. In general the requests become somewhat predictable. They include health concerns, loss of jobs, and difficult relationships of our friends and families. They go something like this, “Please pray for my co-worker’s mother’s sister who just discovered she has cancer.” When we only hear these types of requests, does it convey the concept that God is a Santa Claus or we only go to God for crisis stuff? Don’t take me wrong - there is a place for these needs. But prayers of this nature tend to keep us focused “out there” instead of paying attention to our soul needs. And then I wonder, is it possible our requests are more of a news release than a prayer request? If you have been a leader of prayer times you are probably aware of the challenge to nudge others to focus on spiritual needs. What are the day to day heart cries, the unfulfilled longings we each carry, or praises for my recent spiritual victories? How can leaders encourage women to offer these personal needs in a safe place, a place where the group is small enough and the confidentiality pledge is understood? In several of our conference churches one of the responses to the Sister Care seminar has been to encourage women to be more reflective of personal spiritual needs. Leaders have organized regular gatherings for women with three parts, each about 30 minutes; a Bible study or devotional, a faith journey story shared by someone in the group, and a prayer time. The prayer time divides the women into small groups led by designated leaders who encourage women to be more intentional about praying "below the surface”. Here are some guidelines they have found helpful. 1. LListening to the faith stories of others allows opportunity to be reflective of our own personal journey. Everyone has a story. 2. Confidentiality is a must to establish trust - what happens in the group, stays in the group. 3. Communicate to the whole group the prayer time expectations, how soul-care is important and we are attempting to focus on personal spiritual needs. To provide continuity the prayer groups remain the same with the same leader. There may be times the leader will want to follow up with one-on-one contacts between meeting times. 4. Have an approximate ending time and dismiss from the prayer groups. Encourage woman to leave the building when prayers are completed so other groups are not disturbed by chatter in the hallways. The prayers of blessing of the apostle Paul recorded in the epistles are wonderful examples of soul-care praying. Perhaps prayer leaders could use one of these as a blessing to her group as they depart. Here are just a few examples: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13) “I keep asking that God… may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you. “ (Ephesians 1:17-19) “The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:7) Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator September 2011 In the world of her grandmother, Dawn says spirituality was mediated by a “sense of place.”  This sense of place is how her grandmother made sense of her world.  It included a stable family system, belonging to a specific church community, and living in a specific geographical area where she lived her entire life. Spiritual formation happened by a process of absorption.  By watching and being part of the larger Mennonite community, children absorbed the structures and practices of honesty, secure family life, marital fidelity, the need of private prayer, the commitment to church, the helping of neighbors.  “There was not so great a need for explicit formation, because it was being done also by the structures with which one was surrounded.”  Dawn discovered her own life is more normal for a new generation, a different breed of Mennonite, whose lives, like many Americans, are more characterized by a sense of displacement than a sense of place.  For many today the practices of her grandmother’s life have been sporadic and fragmented if not non-existent. To survive in this era, Nelson believes spiritual formation or how Mennonites develop their spirituality, has to be more intentional then she experienced.  “As our young adults have become part of a larger, global world, living away from tight knit communities, they need a faith that is larger than the previous communities from which they are leaving.” She acknowledges that we cannot go back to a spirituality based on place and secure structures and shares her concern for retaining the community emphasis.  “We don’t want to lose the realization of what we do with people and what we do with God are always related…Many who grew up this way take the values and practices for granted and do not understand how they can be unfamiliar Good News in the larger society…Mennonites are experiencing a stripping away of their previous experience of God, a loss of their customary communal/agricultural forms of knowing God, and are searching for new patterns and practices.” How can Mennonites find new patterns to do spiritual formation in a way that is not a total disconnect yet still sustain Anabaptist values in a postmodern, fragmented world? The solution Dawn offers is to teach and to embrace the spiritual practices that grow the inner life. “If we have only the communal element of our faith, we lose the vitality and the power needed to truly follow Jesus in all of life.” Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator August 2011 I enjoy seeing rocks included as part of home landscaping enhancement so when I saw the ad for fiberglass rocks to cover the unsightly well cap in our back yard, I was sure it was the perfect solution. The rocks, a package of three, arrived in the mail and we eagerly positioned the largest one over the well cap, planting some ivy and other perennials around it. The other two were positioned at opposite corners of the house. Don questioned the length of the wires sent in the package to fasten them securely so we were careful to push them into the ground and to pack the ground and mulch around them. Standing at the front door one summer day I was assessing the damage of the afternoon thunderstorm. Across the road in our neighbor’s yard I spotted an unfamiliar object. Looking more closely I identified it as one of our fiberglass landscaping rocks. I walked outside and nonchalantly looked around to see who may be watching as I crossed the road to our neighbor’s property.  Just as I reached out to pick up the rock, my neighbor called to me, “What happened?”  Caught in the act I bashfully admitted that the wind had blown our “rock” into her yard.  She expressed surprise that it was not real and we laughed together.  The rock was again anchored, reasoning that the wind had been unusually strong that day. Several months later, the doorbell rang and there stood my neighbor with the same “rock” in her hand.  With a big smile she reported that she was driving home and saw this strange object along the road and immediately recognized it as our “rock.” She stopped her car, retrieved it and with delight was returning it to me.  This time the run-away rock was placed in our garage where we could keep a close eye on it for a while! When the winds of life blow in our lives it takes a solid faith to stand firm and remain grounded.  When we are in the middle of a storm our faith is tested harshly.  The winds will tug and the weight of our spiritual foundation will be discovered.  Will our faith hold firm like a real rock or is our faith only skin deep and we are hollow on the inside because we have not taken responsibility for our own faith building? The building time for a strong spiritual foundation happens best when we are not in stormy places.  There is more energy for growing and nurturing our spirituality during the tranquil times;  the quiet reflective moments during personal meditation, listening to the lyrics of gospel and spiritual songs while driving in the car, praying the Psalms, hearing the spiritual journey stories of others and studying the scripture in a Sunday School class or a women’s Bible study.  Taking time for building a firm spiritual foundation when we are not in a crisis provides stability when all else seems to be disappearing. Priscilla Owens must have understood the importance of a solid spiritural foundation when she penned the lyrics for the hymn, We Have an Anchor, (1882) based on Hebrews 6:19. Will your anchor hold in the storms of life, When the clouds unfold their wings of strife? When the strong tides lift, and the cables strain, Will your anchor drift or firm remain? We have an anchor that keeps the soul Steadfast and sure while the billows roll, Fastened to the Rock which cannot move, Grounded firm and deep in the Savior's love.    Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator July 2011 Reflecting on the lives of persons who have influenced us in positive ways is a healthy exercise. This reflection usually occurs when we learn of their death and we stop the regular routine long enough to allow the memories to surface. Recently I took time for reflection when I learned of the death of my Aunt Kathryn. I probably spent more time in her home playing with my cousins than other relatives. They lived just several blocks from my Grandmother, where I spent the summers I was 10 and 11, providing companionship after Grandfather died. Afternoons were sometimes spent playing with my cousins. The obituary credits Aunt Kathryn as being a homemaker her whole life and taking her vocation seriously. “Her patience with children was unmatched…She was an avid reader…” There were other attributes listed but these were the characteristics that sparked my memories of her influence on my life. Aunt Kathryn could read aloud like no one else I knew.  In the day when central air and DVD’s were not a given it must have presented some interesting challenges for mothers of young children when afternoon temperatures made it unbearable to play outdoors.  But she seemed to take it all in stride.  If we became restless, she stopped whatever she was doing and invited us to sprawl onto the cool hardwood floor in the living room and read to us.  Among the many children’s classics she read, my favorites were the Uncle Remus stories.  She could mimic the southern dialect as written and I was enchanted with the fable-like mischievous antics of Br’er Rabbit, Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear. (Br’er stands for Brother) As a parent, I made sure our children were introduced to this series. Her patience with our ingenious activities was certainly noteworthy.  One I remember was playing “store.”  This consisted of gathering all the items stocked in her pantry and carrying them to the playroom where we set up a grocery store.  We took turns being the shopper or the clerk.  She allowed the store display to remain for several days and sometimes she was the shopper herself when she needed an ingredient for a dish she was preparing.  We knew at some point or when we tired of the game all the groceries needed to be returned to the shelves. I can only imagine the difficulty she had in locating the items after our creative arrangement and I wish I could say my mother patience was equal during the years I was parenting young children! Do you ever wonder what will be written in your obituary?  What will others decide is important to be remembered about our lives? The legacy we leave is part of the ongoing fundamentals of life.  Our words, actions and body language do impact others for the good or not so good.  Having positive examples motivates us to follow Christ’s life of sacrificial love.  We long to live this sacrificial life but find ourselves often missing the mark. And just when we feel alone in our struggles, God sends the right person at the right time, encouraging us to be faithful.  A Christian writer, Grace Burnham, writes, “The special people God gives us along the way make us stronger to face the trials of an ugly world.” Sometimes these are persons from our past, described in Hebrews 12 as a “great crowd of witnesses” cheering us on, and sometimes they are those living among us.  The Bible gives us some examples; Ruth had Naomi, Esther had Mordecai, Mary had Elizabeth, Eunice had Lois. And so, my dear sisters, be aware of the words and touch of those around you and give thanks.  For me they include Aunt Kathryn and many, many others.  And watch for the open doors God gives you to be that special person in someone else’s life. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator June 2011 It was a beautiful spring wedding held in a small country Methodist church in Virginia. The ceremony was simple and inspirational. But the real God-moment happened later, at the wedding reception, between an older married couple, the parents of the groom. The mother of the groom, diagnosed with advanced Alzheimer’s disease and mostly unresponsive during the event, suddenly became animated as the bride was dancing with her father to the music and lyrics of “You Make Me Feel So Young.” The music stimulated a connection in the diseased brain cells and a memory of her past became alive. With a big smile and a light in her eyes, she took the hands of her surprised husband, pulled him to his feet and began to dance! For those of us sitting nearby we couldn’t keep the tears from flowing. And if this was not soul-stirring enough, she mouthed the words ‘I love you.’ The unexpected interaction was too much. The husband, overcome with emotion, fled from the reception hall as the groom quickly came to the rescue to be his mother’s dance partner. It was a moment that would linger as I pondered the contrast between the ecstasy of the newly wed and those of us who have weathered the relationship over many years. We enter into the marriage covenant oblivious to our destiny.  It is an act of faith into the unknown, trusting that God will provide the guidance and grace we need as we figure out how to navigate the marriage journey in an imperfect world. Along the path are bumps and unexpected turns, even the possibility of a personality change of a spouse due to brain injury or disease. Gary Smalley, a Christian counselor and author, writes in his book, The Seasons of Marriage, that marriage is always a work in process, full of unanticipated changes.  “We can adapt to the difficulties but we cannot control them…Some changes, such as sexual infidelity, strike at the very heart of a marriage. Other changes are simply a natural part of life, such as illness, aging, or a new job…The only choice as couples is how we respond to these changes that will determine the quality of the marriage.”  Smalley continues that if we respond well to these changes, in harmony with our spouse, the marriage will be kept in the spring/summer season.  If we do not respond well or if our response clashes with our spouse’s response, we will feel the chill and icy blast of fall/winter. In our culture the marriage relationship is not usually discussed openly with others and certainly it is important to honor privacy.  Confidentiality needs to be respected for trust to develop in a relationship. These same boundaries prevent us from learning how others successfully chart the course through life’s changes, leaving us to speculate that we are the only relationship experiencing difficulties. There is benefit in the older teaching the younger by providing opportunities for open discussion about marriage. Are there ways that older sisters can be more vulnerable in telling the stories of their struggles and healing without violating the privacy of their marriage relationship? Telling our stories is a powerful way to pass on wisdom from generation to generation especially when we can witness to God’s presence in the times that things just do not seem to make sense.  Joni Eareckson once said, “For wisdom is more than just seeing our problems through God’s eyes—it's also trusting Him even when the pieces don’t seem to fit.” In the difficult experiences of marriage there is a temptation to ignore or deny the self-work God may be calling us to do. Self-sufficiency is applauded in our world. To not be in control or to seek professional counseling is perceived to be a sign of weakness. But Jesus invites us to bring all our cares, the things that prevent us from adapting to the unanticipated changes, and experience the abundant life only God can provide.  At times that may mean attending a marriage retreat or seeking the help of a professional. Sarah Young paraphrases it like this, “Thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.” Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator   May 2011 The Kitchen Table - A Ministry of Sister Care I was inducted into motherhood when I held our firstborn infant son in my arms, November 30, 1964.  As I unwrapped the soft blanket and checked to be sure the body parts were all there, my needs became ssecond and I looked at the world with new eyes. Life would forever be changed. The wonder and awe of this helpless infant was almost overwhelming. But my mother love muscles soon began to grow with the 24/7 caring responsibilities to keep him safe and well. Joan Borysenko, who holds a doctorate in anatomy and cellular biology, describes the mother-infant relationship in her book, Minding the Body, Mending the Mind. “As the caring continues mothers often become the primary caretaker. The infant becomes bonded to the caretaker and has no separate sense of self. The mother and baby are one. The mommy mirrors baby. If the baby coos, we coo. If baby cries with hunger, mother responds with milk. If baby is tired and needs to sleep, mother leaves baby to rest. If baby is fascinated with her toes, mother takes delight is the fascination without interrupting it. But if mother is out of sync with the baby rhythm—absent when baby “needs” or intrusive when baby needs space—then baby feels out of joint with life…” Each child comes packaged with a different rhythm. What works for one child is not right for another.  So how do we learn when to “leave them and when to hold them?”  I would dare to suggest it is the question that possesses every mother throughout the parenting years. How do I get it right? First, mothers (parents) are to train and nurture their children. It is easy to approach the mother career by believing we need to bend our child into our own image rather than guide the development of the child’s own God designed uniqueness.  Some years ago I copied this quote. “You cannot ever control another human being, even if that human being is your own child…You may discipline and teach, you may train, you may point the right course, you may shape behavior patterns, you may reason, you may plead.  But you cannot and may not ever control.”  Controlling sends the child the message that they are only loveable when and if they do what mother wants, preventing them from discovering their true self. Second, we are called to live by faith - placing our mother responsibilities and our child into God’s hands. The Creator, knows our children better than we ever will know them.  When invited, the Spirit of Christ takes up residency within to help us be the mother our child needs. We don’t need all the answers. We only need to trust the One who does. And third, Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow.  There is nothing to be gained in stressing out about our child’s future.  We were created with the capacity to live in the moment – not the worry of tomorrow or being stuck in the past by dwelling on the guilt of our mistakes.  There is abundant life in living this moment in the Presence of God. To do that requires some discipline and brain exercise to keep our minds focused on the present, trusting the future to the Creator and asking for the forgiveness of our past failures. When the cares of motherhood become heavy, remember there is a “sister” nearby who has some mothering experience under her belt.  It helps us grow when we voice our concerns and challenges with another, to get our dark thoughts out into the open, so that the light of Christ can shine into our hearts and minds. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator

April 2011 The Kitchen Table - A Ministry of Sister Care There is so much to learn from other women.  This winter several of my “sisters” introduced our women’s group to “Winter Sowing”, the planting of seeds in a recycled container which acts as a miniature greenhouse.  The containers (plastic milk jugs, two liters soda bottles or clear plastic containers) are then placed outdoors where the seeds get the same weather and temperatures as nature provides but in a protected environment. When seeds are planted directly into the ground they are at risk for being washed out in downpours, eaten by birds, squirrels, or other animals.  They can dry out in the wind or rot in the soil.  In the bleak month of February, I decided to try my hand at “Winter Sowing.”  The recycled container is now outdoors with the small top open, waiting for warmer temperatures and the miracle to burst forth in the form of tiny tomato plants.  I keep looking inside the mini-greenhouse, making sure the soil stays moist, watering occasionally as needed. I know if the conditions are right the seeds will sprout. Gardening was a family activity as far back as I can remember. I remember the freshly tilled soil sifting between my small bare toes in the early summer. It felt so good. Other gardening memories are not quite so pleasant. Long rows of peas to be picked appeared to be never-ending as the heat of the sun created beads of perspiration. The part I most looked forward to was sitting under the shade of the large tree in our back yard to remove the peas from the pods or husk the corn while my parents told childhood stories to keep us entertained. The gardening tradition continued with our children until they were grown and left the nest.  It wasn’t always easy to fit gardening into our family schedule. Softball, little league and camping always seemed to come when the vegetables were ripe for harvesting. But we managed somehow.  Now our grandchildren are experiencing the wonder of watching green sprouts push through the ground.  When we visit during the growing season we are led to the garden by a small hand for “show and tell.” In the book, Living More With Less, 30th Anniversary Edition, the author writes, “We find that growing vegetables and fruit, with the care and daily observation they require, has nurtured our spirits as well as our stomachs. The garden is a source of entertainment and investigation for our girls. They report on the nature of wheel bugs, the daily status of our ripening strawberries, or the whereabouts of our latest groundhog threats.” We are made up of body, soul and spirit. To experience wholeness we know we need to give attention to all three.  When one is neglected the other two don’t do so well. Gardening touches all three components. Unlike the gym or treadmill indoors, nothing quite replaces the gardening exercise of partnering with God in the cycle of nature. Getting dirt under the fingernails allows time to nourish the soul as we ponder the mystery in the transformation of a lifeless seed into a living plant.  Our spirit is restored in the faithfulness of God as we witness the promise God gave to Noah, “For as long as Earth lasts, planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.”  Genesis 8:22 Even though I have not yet seen a green sprout in my gallon container outside my house, I know there is life in those seeds.  God can be trusted to come through.  He is faithful. By the time you read this article, spring will have arrived and the ground will have gotten warmer. The spring flowers and trees will be blooming, the robins will be digging worms from the green sod and hopefully my Winter Sowing will produce a few tomato plants. Spring happens every year. New sprouts come from dead seeds. I can count on it.   Thank you, God, for your faithfulness! Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator The March 2011 issue will be released at a later time. February 2011 As each of our boys reached the age of 15, they took an after school job near our house. Break time came at 6:00 – 6:30 PM and we tried to delay family dinner so they were included at the table. It was not always convenient to do so, for sure, and there were times when I wondered if it was really that important to eat together.  But one day a comment from one of them changed my perspective.  “I’m really glad you guys wait for me.  I wouldn’t know what happened in everyone’s day if you ate dinner without me.”  Keeping family rituals can be a difficult task in the life of busy families, like having one meal a day together, all family members at the table at the same time.  I recently discovered that this issue is not only a concern of Christian families but for society at large. My friend, Johanna Cordell, a social worker, leads a discussion on this topic for families as part of her workplace assignment in an organization that is not faith-based.  Here is what she includes in her presentation. For many, today’s lifestyle makes it difficult to support routine family mealtime.  After-school activities, two working parents, and conflicting schedules are just a few reasons why families are not gathering around the table.  The concept of shared family meals is certainly not new but instead has become increasingly difficult to practice.  One study completed by the University of Minnesota (Project EAT-1) revealed that middle school students ate with their families an average of 5.4 meals per week and high school students an average of 3.9 times per week. In addition to eating more fruits and vegetables and less sugary or high calorie foods, family meals promote emotional, intellectual, and social development for all members (Project EAT-II).  Children are generally happier and thrive when given structure and security.  Shared family meals can be one part of their routine.  The benefit also applies directly to our body’s physical wellbeing.  Eating together often produces laughter and fun at the dinner table!  It is also where parents have tremendous influence as children have the opportunity to closely observe all actions.  Small children often have limited tastes and need encouragement to try a variety of new foods.  Core values like sharing, respect, and gratitude are easily modeled in this setting, along with polite table manners.  It should not be assumed children are able to learn these life skills on their own.  Consider the number of meals your family is currently sharing together and discuss what a realistic goal may be.  If, for example, the entire family currently gathers at the table for meals twice a week is it possible to increase this to five?  Before trying to establish a new mealtime routine it may be helpful to determine specific reasons why your family does not eat together.  If you are seeking to increase communication between family members, consider working together to identify potential problems.  As all members are provided an opportunity to participate, creative ideas will most likely emerge.  Once a realistic solution is obtained make a plan of action and follow through.  Try the plan for at least two weeks before changing your goal or solution.        Some helpful hints to make your plan of action more successful: ·         Establish a regular time when meals will be shared.  If evenings are not a good option, try breakfast.  It does not matter which meal is shared.      ·         Remove distractions.  Turn off the TV and turn on the answering machine. ·         Keep conversation positive, allowing time for everyone to talk and listen.  Sit at the table, not the countertop. ·         Planning ahead often reduces stress and preparation time.  Meals do not have to look perfect.  Nutrition is most important.   Emotional presence at the family table is just as important as the physical presence. Cell phone interruptions and texting during dinner sends the message that the family is not as important as our business or other friends.  For Christian parents the family table provides the opportunity for pausing at that moment to thank God for the gifts of the day, the gift of food and to offer prayers for each child as appropriate. Children can be invited to offer prayers as well. What a wonderful ritual to communicate God’s love and your love to your family members! Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator January 2011 On a recent episode of the “The Nanny” a family with three little boys, ages 7 to 18 months, was preparing to move to a new home.  Due to the husband’s job they had moved numerous times in the past two years and the parents were rightly concerned about the stress the new transition would create for the children. Nanny’s solution?  She presented each of the little guys with a small sports bag with a few essential items they would need in their new home; a cuddy throw blanket, toothbrush and toothpaste, shampoo, comb and pajamas. She then invited the boys to add a favorite stuffed animal and a few of their special toys.  The boys were thrilled with their bags and ran off to gather the precious items. Surprisingly, they did not gather an over abundance of items or overstuff their bags. They returned with the task completed and without prompting began imagining they were already at their new home. With excited giggles the bags were unzipped and contents dumped onto the floor. They carefully spread out the soft blankets and laid on them while hugging a stuffed animal and gazing at all their familiar stuff. They performed the ritual over and over again, preparing emotionally and physically for the expected transition.  Entering a new year is like moving – to a new place in time.  What am I taking with me to my new reality?  What are the basic activities in my bag and what are the activities for which I have choices? Busyness is one of our worst enemies. Our lives are like over packed suitcases, bursting at the seams. We stuff more and more activities into our life (even good choices), creating more and more busyness, leaving little time to evaluate what is really important to take with us and what to leave behind. We hurry from one activity to another and our busyness creates unfulfilled spaces in the heart that we fill with more activity which leads to more emptiness. We long for peace in our soul yet find no time to be still. Jesus invites us to peace. He tells us His burden is light and there is rest for our soul. “Peace on earth” cannot be found unless we spend time in His presence and give prayerful attention to what is hindering our peace. He longs to sit with us and to communicate with us. “I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I'll come right in and sit down to supper with you.” (The Message)  Hearing His voice happens when we quiet ourselves long enough to hear the knocking and open the door.  I value the sisters in my life who have loved me enough to ask the hard questions relating to being too busy.  It was often the nudge I needed to stop and take a look at my calendar, to access the value of my busyness that left no room for quiet time. Giving up control of my calendar by taking time for prayerful reflection with my Creator is a spiritual practice that helps me discover what I am called to be and do in this life. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator December 2010  One of my favorite things to do on mother’s sewing day was to play with her button collection. The buttons were in several jars and kept in a drawer where she stored fabric. Some were new and others snipped from clothing that was beyond repair. I liked the sound of pouring them out onto the table and it kept me busy sorting by colors and sizes. On one particular sewing day, just several weeks before Christmas, I went to the drawer to take out the buttons. As my small hands reached for the drawer handles mother’s voice became urgent as she called out, “Don’t open the drawer!” The warning was too late. I already had the drawer partly open and there lay several of the most beautiful doll outfits I had ever seen. She had somehow managed to sew them without me knowing. As soon as I saw them I realized they were intended for Christmas gifts. I knew by the size they could only fit the new doll on my wish list. My happiness suddenly turned into deep sadness. In my eagerness to play with the buttons I had discovered a Christmas surprise before Christmas. Oh, what a sad day it was! Mother tried to comfort me but I could not be consoled. The high and lows of life are usually triggered by surprises. Within a split second we can be filled with happiness and wonder or wishing we would wake up from a dream. When the surprises along the path of life lead to cliffs or resting places, we are invited to enjoy the rhythm by living in God's presence, placint the outcomes into His hands.  The Advent season is about hope, to wait in hope, in expectation of God’s intervention, or God’s surprises in our world. Just as the people in the Old Testament waited for God to send the promised Messiah, many missed it when it happened because they were looking in all the wrong places. God had a better plan. He revealed Himself to the lowly shepherds, those least expected for sure. What a surprise!  Just as those of long ago, we often miss God’s surprises – His better plan. We live in a world where bigger and better define our expectations. We are so influenced by super size, super stars, and high definition that we tend to view life through a lens that magnifies what we expect out of the world. Looking in all the wrong places, we miss the small things in life, God’s surprises. Waiting for God to fill in all the blank spaces in life is a trust walk. We enter this walk of trust knowing it will be full of God’s surprises. If our hope is in circumstances we believe make us happy, we will be disappointed. His surprises are about possibilities beyond our humanness, beyond how we reason life to be, a faith that continues to see possibilities when there is no present evidence. It is a way to live, not just to survive, amidst all the challenges of life. Over the span of four thousand years, God revealed himself to be a God of newness, of possibility, of redemption. Living in hope is about trusting the endings to go beyond what we can think or even imagine. “God who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of - infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.”  Ephesians 3:20, Living Bible. During this Advent season, may all my sisters live in hope, seeking the awareness of God’s presence in every circumstance and receive the surprise gift of God’s better plan.   -Lorraine Eby, Franklin Conference Sister Care coordinator

November 2010 It was a dark night as our family arrived at the lane leading to a cabin in the woods where we planned to spend a few days. To enter, someone needed to lave the car, go outside in the dark and open the locks on the gate.  One of our boys, home during a college break, offered to perform the task. As he returned to the car we were surprised to hear him repeating to himself, “Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me…”  After a good laugh, we learned this was his coping method as a child to reassure himself that Jesus loved him and nothing could harm him in the dark. His prayer chased away fear and allowed him to focus on God’s presence. Prayer is one of the most familiar spiritual practices (an intentional effort to come into the presence of God.)  Repeating phrases from a scripture or a hymn is a very practical way to pray that helps focus on a truth we want to embrace or own. Repeating a phrase from the familiar hymn, “There is a place of quiet rest…” helps when I feel anxious. Those who have studied the function of the brain tell us that reading or expressing something verbally is very effective for fixing that concept into our mind. “It illustrates a type of self-talk that can powerfully change your mind.” (Dr. Archibald Hart)  Children are so honest in their prayers.  They just pray about how they feel and in simple faith believe that God hears and will answer. To develop a deep relationship with anyone, including God, requires honesty. That means being able to share our real selves, our praises as well as the times we are not so pleased with how God is directing our journey.  Henri Nouwen in his book, “Making All Things New” says, “The more we train ourselves to spend time with God and Him alone, the more we discover that God is with us at all times and all places.”  He suggests it is better to spend 10 minutes every day focusing on God’s presence than one hour once in a while.  Prayer is not just about making requests to God. To have a quality relationship with God requires some listening. In John 15:9 Jesus invites us to “make yourselves at home in my love.” (From The Message) Can we be so comfortable in God’s love and presence that we can relax and just listen?   As believers each of us has direct access to God but it does require intentional practice and effort. Over time prayer changes us from the inside out.  Are there other ways to hear God then through his Word?  I believe there are.  We may not hear Him in a human voice but what we do receive are promptings in our thoughts in the “listening” times, the still small voice of the Spirit in the silence.  We get to choose to either obey or ignore it.  Committing to a deeper prayer life is a life-long journey.  We never really arrive. Our prayer needs change as we grow and change. To intentionally seek a deeper level in our prayer life may require some support from a sister friend to keep you accountable.  It could involve exploring with someone one-on-one or through a group book study. It could also happen as you seek out a prayer mentor by approaching a sister that you believe models depth in the spiritual practice of prayer. Lorraine Eby, Sister Care Coordinator Franklin Mennonite Conference, The Burning Bush, Used by permission October 2010 A Ministry of Sister Care It was a special moment as my “sister” friend placed a small glass bird into my hand.  I had shared a deep spiritual struggle with her earlier and she brought the bird as a spiritual symbol for me to keep for a while to remind me of God’s love, that He would protect the inner core of my being just as He watches over the birds of the air.  The small bird reminding me of God’s presence felt warm and comforting. I kept the bird in a desk drawer at the office and held it often in the weeks to come at moments when I needed to be reminded that God loved and cared about my inner most being.  Your spiritual journey may not have included symbols as part of your “Mennonite Spirituality.”  We are much more familiar with the real and practical, “serving others as unto God”. We are so busy - balancing a career, caring for home and family, serving on church and school committees. Because we are so grounded in the practical it causes us to be suspicious of the abstract, the mystical awareness of God.  We know God loves us but doesn’t that mean I just need to work harder for God to show Him how much I love Him? What is it like to really experience God’s indescribable love without the guilt of not serving others enough? Within each of us is a deep longing for God.  We grow tired of trivial experiences and shallow teaching and long for the real, the lasting. Maybe we experienced a small taste of the “real” but got caught up in our busy life again and it soon vanished. “As a hart longs for flowing streams, so longs my soul for thee, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God,” writes the psalmist. (Ps 42:1, 2)  Filling the longing, the inner life with God, requires time - time we just don’t have in our already busy schedules.  Like the cliché, “a woman’s work is never done”, our life is in perpetual motion.  Dawn Ruth Nelson in her recent book, A Mennonite Woman Exploring Spiritual Life and Identity, says for Mennonite women (particularly those over 50) our spirituality has been the close spiritual community of the church. And while this is a special gift, we need more. To become like Christ, inwardly and outwardly, requires paying attention to our personal spirituality as well. What will sustain our own inner life in the global culture where the close spiritual community no longer exists? About a year ago our conference launched the “Journey With God” theme.  For some of us we are slowly figuring out what that is all about. It is not a program. It is about paying attention to our personal spirituality. It is about spiritual practices, things we can do, an experiential journey, a journey that invites us to seek God’s presence. We do this by realizing how much God loves us, by taking time for reflection, and intentionally learning spiritual practices that encourage God-awareness as we listen for God’s voice within.     What better way to begin the “Journey with God” (or spiritual practices) than to seek out another sister or a group and together dedicate yourselves to seek God on a deeper personal level. You may want to share a meaningful spiritual symbol that reminds you of the presence of God and to help you “…grasp how wide, long, high and deep is the love of Christ.” (Eph. 3:18) Next month we will begin looking at specific spiritual practices. Lorraine Eby, Sister Care Coordinator Franklin Mennonite Conference, The Burning Bush, Used by permission

September 2010  It was the first day of school and the school bus had come and gone.  There had been other first days of school but this time our youngest child was among the bus passengers.  I thought I had prepared myself for the event, was actually looking forward to it, but when the moment came I suddenly felt anxiety. Life was about to change. What will this new life be like without pre-schoolers in the house? The opening of school this year may mean your youngest child is going off to kindergarten or packing for college.  Transitions for mothers are closely tied with the development stages of our children.  I am told by the experts that next to childbirth the empty nest is one of the biggest transitions of motherhood. Children bring so much energy into our lives and it takes a lot of energy to keep the household together, especially if we are working outside the home. Although we know in our heads our children will not be in our house forever, we are so busy and consumed with their nurture there is little time to prepare the heart for life without them. Then suddenly they’re gone and we’re left with a full refrigerator, less laundry, a clean bedroom and an empty family room. The empty nest syndrome is real. There are feelings of loneliness, loss and grief to be recognized.  Life is moving from a familiar routine into the unknown. We were just getting good at the mothering technique and now those skills are no longer needed.  Without the busyness of nurturing our children we are forced to focus on ourselves, the person we no longer know very well, and wonder who this woman approaching mid-life is. There are other sisters around you who are walking the same journey.  There are others who have survived the empty nest syndrome and lived to tell the story. Our culture teaches us to be independent and strong, to not need others or even God to assist us.  We would rather go it alone, put on a mask and pretend we have it together then admit we are not handling the transition very well. In the process we isolate ourselves and the fear and anxiety increases, resulting in the overwhelming sense of loneliness. In the empty nest stage, your life becomes you own again. To every ending there is a new beginning.  What are some new adventures you now have time to explore? Will time for meditation and growing with God be a priority?  Have you and your spouse been planning some new goals for life without the kids?    How long has it been since you had the time to sit down with another sister and talk about real life issues like the feelings you are experiencing?  Conversations with other Moms at the soccer games are usually less intense so this level of communicating may take some practice. The Bible often talks about the importance of voicing what is close to our heart. James 5:16 suggests that confession can heal. There is healing in expressing our feelings of fear, anxiety and loneliness to one another and to God.  May all of my sisters who are facing transitions in the journey of motherhood experience the gift of a caring sister to walk the journey together. Lorraine Eby, Sister Care Coordinator Franklin Mennonite Conference

July 2010 The article for this issue is a continuation of the March column in which we learned personal story telling is providing a helpful resource at Pleasant View Mennonite, both to those who tell the stories and those who hear the stories.  This month we learn their response to the two-part question, "How is telling personal stories benefiting the women's group and/or impacting the whole church?" “The story telling is connecting us in a more personal way. It is enabling us to care and interact on a deeper level, to go beyond surface talk. It is stretching us as we make ourselves vulnerable to each other.” “The women are getting to know each other on a deeper level, personally and spiritually, allowing us to be freer in communicating with each other as we share our needs and prayer requests.” “When I think back to when we first started Sister-Care I thought we knew each other but now, 10 months into our Sister Care gatherings, I feel we have learned so much more. We are more relaxed with each other.  The prayer groups help even more as we share intimate needs.  In turn, there seems to be more of a connectedness and caring for others within the church.” “I believe as we are getting to know each other on a deeper level and being vulnerable in this setting, we are becoming closer and feeling more cared for as a church body.  I feel this is valuable as we work towards becoming a healthier, holistic congregation.” “Although I am not yet sure of the benefits to our whole congregation, it is my hope that we are realizing that we are all on a journey, both in our personal lives and in the life of our church.   God can take the little that we have and make lemonade out of the lemons.   My prayer is that we are seeing each other in a new light and have a greater appreciation for one another.” “The prayer group acts as an accountability group. We share concerns we would not otherwise share because it is a small group of women. It is less threatening to share our deep feelings with just a few. Confidentiality is stressed. We send e-mails, make phone calls, and talk between meetings to find out how each other are doing.” “The small prayer groups ensures that each person in being prayed for.  It also is an awesome feeling to know that women are taking your prayer requests and lifting them up to the Lord during the week/month between meetings.  It has also fostered inter-generational fellowship which might not occur in our church life.” “In the prayer times it has been a learning experience for us to share our own struggles. It is easy to ask for prayer for someone else, our family or friends, our co-worker’s friend, but we are being intentional about looking within our own lives and to share areas that we need prayer. The three prayer group leaders are finding a blessing in caring for the individuals in their group as they become aware of the shared needs.” Thank you, Pleasant View, for allowing us to hear your “story.” May God continue to bless all as you share the hurts and disappointments as well as the goodness of God on the journey together and with God. Lorraine Eby Coordinator of Sister-Care  Franklin Conference

June 2010 How would you respond if asked, “Tell me about your father?”  I’m sure many thoughts and feelings rise to the surface, some pleasant and some maybe not so pleasant. Our description of our dad is our perception based on what we remember. Males and females each bring to parenting the differences that together provide a balance in the nurturing of children. We often associate mothers with daughters and perhaps overlook the importance of dads in the lives of women. Dads today are more involved with their children than perhaps 30 years ago.  When both mother and dad have careers, care of children is usually shared and dad may be the one to drop off or pick up children from day care or school. Some time ago I read the book, Always Daddy’s Girl, written by Norman Wright, psychologist and founder of Christian Marriage Enrichment. After many years of counseling and asking women to tell him about their father, he collected what he calls a gold mine of information about the role of fathers in the lives of daughters. Dr. Wright states, “…No matter how old you are the relationship with your father—whether it was wonderful or painful—had an impact on the woman you are today.    Your relationship with men, your career path, your feelings about yourself—they have all been shaped in your formative years by your father, whether you realize it or not.” He goes on to explain how fathers shape a daughter’s view of whom to marry, her overall self-esteem, her feelings about her physical attributes, and her desire to succeed in life. Dads are the first man a girl falls in love with. If our memories of our father are mostly negative or our father was absent in our childhood, it is important to grieve that tragedy. Healthy grieving results in a sense of acceptance and we can move on.  Unhealthy grieving results in getting “stuck” in our grief by focusing on what is wrong and wanting that to somehow be fixed. Wright suggests we imagine God as the father we never had and always wanted. Parts of God’s character can be observed in other fathers who live a life of blessing and grace. Life cannot always be fixed. Wanting what we do not have has been going on since the beginning of time.  Satan tempted Eve by pointing out something she did not have, the forbidden fruit. The garden was filled with other wonderful, delicious and desirable fruit, but Eve was focused only on what she couldn’t have instead of a feeling of gratitude for that which was abundantly supplied. Perhaps Eve could have benefited by having a Christian sister with whom to process her thoughts and gently remind her of all the good things she had to enjoy in the garden. Jesus invites us to walk with Him with thanksgiving, allowing the Light of His Presence to pour into us through and through.  Life can only be fixed when we draw from His strength and perfect love. Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference.

May 2010 I stopped at the display of Mother’s Day cards and almost reached out to choose one when I realized I have no need to buy a Mother’s Day card this year.  My mother, Elizabeth Martin at the age of 96, passed from this life on January 29. As we emptied the drawers and closet in her room at Menno Haven, we carefully looked through the few earthly possessions she kept and chuckled at some of the “treasures” we found. Among the items in a small box of clippings was a folded letter.  I carefully unfolded it and recognized the handwriting as my own. It was written some 35 years ago and sent on Mother’s Day when I was a young mother. Mother never acknowledged receiving but here it was among the few personal belongings she kept. The letter began, “Each year I let Mother’s Day go by without sending you an original Mother’s Day card. This year I mean to do just that. You know teenagers are so sure they know everything.  But when they become parents they realize how little they really know.  So you see, Mother, I would like to say “thank you” for all the things you taught me. Here are only a few that have come to mind …” The first person we establish a relationship with is our mother.  Daughters are dependent on mothers for survival, to feed and to care for us as young children. During the teenage years, the daughter struggles to be independent and to prove her mother is no longer needed. Then later, when the daughter becomes a mother she suddenly sees life from a different perspective, almost with new eyes. The daughter gains a new respect for her mother as they share the motherhood experience. In the family of God, other women may provide mother figures for us or young girls may look to other women as mentors or coaches.  The apostle Peter suggests it is important for the older women to pass on principles to the younger.  But somewhere along the journey of the mother and daughter, the nurturing role begins to reverse and the younger woman is needed to nurture the older one who becomes dependent on others in the aging process.  The mother now looks to the daughter for emotional and physical needs. After Mother’s memorial service, our three sons and their families came back to the house and it felt so good to have all of them around me that day. As the evening mealtime approached, my daughters-in-law took over the kitchen and announced they were preparing the evening meal, telling me to just relax and let them be "in charge" this time. I realized how much I needed this special care from other women, as they provided emotional and physical sister-care to me in their act of kindness. Later, when the family returned to their homes, I sat down at the computer to check email. There on the edge of the computer screen was a post-it note. “I love you, MawMaw,” it said and was signed by our oldest granddaughter. Later I found more notes with the same message attached to places where she knew I would find them, the mirrors in our bedroom and bathroom and on my bedside stand. At thirteen, she found a way to communicate that she cared about me and my loss as only another woman can do and I was deeply touched.  She was doing what women do best, sister-caring-for-sister.  Women do intuitively nurture each other. They know just what we need at times when we forget the sky is still blue or God seems so silent and far away. God, thank you for the gift of “sisters” who have been there to care for me in my journey of life. May I not miss the opportunities to provide sister-care to others. Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference.

The Kitchen Table   by Lorraine Eby                     March 2010 Telling our story can be a powerful tool for sister care.  As we hear the story of another, we find ourselves somewhere in the story.  I recently learned that the women at Pleasant View Mennonite had formed a Sister Care group and the agenda centered around sharing personal stories.  With their permission, here is their story. For the past ten months a sister-care group of about 23 women gather monthly for an hour and a half. The evening begins with a 30-minute devotional based on a female character from the Bible.  Next, someone from the group is prepared to share a personal story.  The story may be about a specific experience or their life faith journey. (About once a quarter a cooking demonstration or health related discussion is substituted for the faith story). The group then breaks into three small groups for prayer time.  The individuals in the groups remain the same for each gathering with the same leader and each woman is encouraged to share personal prayer needs.  The woman leave the gathering as each prayer group completes their prayer time. What benefit did you receive in the preparation and telling of your story? “In preparing I had to look back over the whole experience and I was continually amazed at and encouraged by God's constant care and guidance. As I told my story, I felt the love and care of every sister there listening. I felt like I was being carried by them.”  “As I prepared to tell my story, God’s grace was found in others who were placed with “purpose” in my life.  I discovered God is always there to reach out to me and to comfort me during trials. But most important for me was seeing God’s hand in my own life story and to see His influence and miracles that may have been previously overlooked, or explained away.” “I saw that God was ultimately in control of my life.  Before I shared, I debated if I should share certain struggles that I had, but I opted to be vulnerable and allow people to see my struggles.” As a listener to other’s story, what has been helpful to you? “It has helped me connect with the storyteller. We may go to church together all of our lives but know so little about their journey, through difficult childhoods and challenging adulthood experiences. It helps me understand the way they interact with others, why they ask certain questions, why they have certain fears, etc.” “To hear how God has affected their story allows me to praise Him along with the storyteller.  Hearing and seeing how they have grown or been strengthened through a trial or difficulty has empowered me to know that we are not alone, that we have “sisters in Christ” and a compassionate God.” “Listening to others tell of their experiences has helped me be more aware of how God weaves his love through different stages of our lives, through hard and difficult times and through easy and happy times.” “I’m discovering we really keep a lot of our difficult moments to ourselves, and by not sharing them we cannot help those around us to better handle what they are going through.  I’m finding each of us have life-lessons that may be of help to our sisters in Christ.” “I was in awe at the grace of God in their life.  I realized anew that God can transform people's lives and although they may not have had a childhood of good memories, God can reach into those situations and by His mercy transform lives!” Next month in part II, we will learn how God is using the faith-stories and prayer groups in the congregational life at Pleasant View congregation. (To be continued in June 2010)

The Kitchen Table   by Lorraine Eby                      February 2010 It’s February – the month that has the least amount of days but seems to be the longest month of the year as we wait for spring.  In the bleak of winter, this is the month everything in the mall is covered in red, hearts and glitter. For those in a marriage relationship Valentine’s Day offers the opportunity to express our love in special ways.  It can also be a reminder that the freshness of new love can wear thin.  One definition given for marriage that I tucked away some years ago went something like this, “marriage is two ordinary people working on an impossible dream.” The story is told of a Jewish couple who went to their Rabbi to receive counsel for a marital conflict.  The Rabbi suggested that they begin with the husband telling his side of the story.  The husband finished by asking, “Am I right?”  The Rabbi responded, “You are right.”  Then the wife was asked to tell her side and when she concluded asked, “Am I right?” The Rabbi said, “You are right.”  The couple looked at each other somewhat confused and the husband said, “We can’t both be right!” To which the Rabbi responded, “You are right.” The “who is right” stories can be heard just about any place women gather - Christian or non-Christian, work place or church gatherings.  In the journey of sister-care we will find ourselves in the dilemma of being asked who is right. It is difficult to listen to the heart cry of another without taking sides. Our compassion reaches out to comfort the hurt one. Believing that conflict can be resolved by establishing who is right and how did it happen is one of life’s greatest myths, according to Dr. Gary Smalley in his book, The DNA of Relationships.  Smalley proposes that conflicts rarely get resolved this way and he writes, “This method is a totally useless pursuit.” So how does conflict get resolved?  In Romans 14:13, the apostle Paul gives some thought to healthy relationships, “Let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in another’s way.”  Smalley suggests that placing blame on another creates a stumbling block or breakdown in communication. “When a person feels emotionally heard and understood they tend to relax because they feel respected or feel you really care about them.  Eventually they will be able to move toward determining right and wrong.” Hurtful words and actions from others can strike a deep fear within the receiver.  The reaction to the fear produces a hurtful response that in turn creates fear in the offender.  Smalley calls this the fear dance, hurtful words create fear and hurtful responses create fear. As long as the “dance” goes on, conflict will not be resolved. To stop the fear dance each party needs to bare some responsibility for their part in the conflict. When walking beside a sister in conflict, it is important to listen to the anger and the hurt and show understanding without taking sides. A way to be helpful may be to carefully guide our friend to focus on how God wants to use the conflict to bring change in both individuals.  Encourage your sister to “…Seek God with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind,” Romans 12:2, paraphrased by Sarah Young from her book, Jesus Is Calling. Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference. The Kitchen Table by Lorraine Eby           January 2010 I was about age five, attending a special weekend meeting with my parents and the church was packed with extra chairs in the aisles. When the children were called to the front for story time, the only seating space was on the steps of the platform. The lesson for the children’s time was obedience.  The guest preacher quoted the first part of Ephesians 6:1, “Children obey your parents…” and asked if anyone could finish the verse.  I boldly raised my hand, confident I knew the correct answer, and belted out, “for this is right and good in the sight of the Lord.”  There was complete silence for a moment and then the audience broke into laughter at the little girl who misquoted the scripture. I was mortified and wished I could vanish like magic. The visiting speaker attempted to redeem the moment by carefully making the correction that perhaps I was thinking of another verse but the laughter of adults and the shame I experienced already left its impression.  Memories, pleasant or unpleasant, become part of our life story.  They can shape us in positive or negative ways.  They form our understanding of how we view ourselves in relation to our world. It becomes our lens of interpreting life or our perception of life. The church full of laughing adults had no idea the little girl in the children’s meeting would remember this incidence for years to come. I really didn’t understand the cause of the laughter until the evangelist made the correction but I perceived that I did something very foolish.  That was my perception.  The reality is adults love to observe children and their responses.  We are inspired by their innocence and find humor in their behavior because adults have all been children.  But a child thinks as a child and doesn’t understand the full picture. We carry our childhood impressions along with us into our adult life. They become part of our memory bank, shaping the perception of ourselves, influencing our self-talk.                       There are no perfect parents or spiritual leaders.  We are all part of a sinful world, shaped by the imperfect behavior of others and in need of a Savior to redeem us. As women, we are good at carrying hurtful memories and letting them fester inside us in silence for years, believing the “lies” that we perceived to be “truth” as a child, or as one person describes as “the mice who build nests when you aren’t looking and eat up all your happiness.” God wants to redeem us from the chain of negative memories by “forgetting what lies behind, and straining forward...” (Philippians 3:13b) Sharing our stories with a caring sister is one of the ways we can break the chain of negative memories by bringing them out of the closets of our mind and voicing them to another.  The “light of Christ” can shine through the love and concern of another sister who cares and can help guide us to “truth”.  What a great way to begin a new year by letting go of the “clutter” of the past and receiving God’s healing touch for our future! Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference.

The Kitchen Table    December 2009  “Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright…” Each year when I first hear this familiar Christmas carol the memories of past Christmas celebrations come to mind. It brings joy as I anticipate celebrating the birth of Jesus with my family and church family. But along with the joy, some sadness comes.  The carol triggers the memory of my grandmother’s death during the month of December some 30 years ago. Celebrations and holidays are very painful times for those who are grieving.  The Christmas carols are reminders that someone will be missing from the family table this year; a spouse, child, parent, grandchild, or maybe a stillborn infant. If the loss was experienced recently, they are wondering how the world can go on like nothing has changed when everything has changed for them. Sisters in these households are feeling alone in their loss while the world around them is celebrating. Reaching out appropriately to someone in grief appears to come easily for some. For others, it does not come naturally. The pain we see in another can trigger deep emotions of fear within ourselves that force us to look at our own mortality. We don’t understand the process of grief very well and feel uncertain about what to do that is helpful.  In fear of doing the wrong thing, I am guilty of doing nothing. Some of us are “fixers” and want to make it all better again as quickly as we can. I am learning that the grief process is not that simple. Some time ago I clipped this quote, “Grief is not a problem to be solved, or a disorder to be cured; it is a process to be lived.”  Grief counselor Doug Manning writes, “Grief ignored does not just go away. It internalizes and comes out in some other way.” Here are some suggestions gleaned from the writings of grief counselors that may be helpful in caring for someone learning to live with loss. Look for opportunities to be involved.  Offer to do grocery shopping and/or baking. Grieving is exhausting and doing holiday baking and shopping may take too much energy and effort this year. If this is the first holiday without a loved one, take a meal to the house. Or invite the family to your home and place a photo or a lighted candle on the table in memory of the deceased. Sending a note to let your sister know you are thinking of her during the holidays is something anyone can do. Be a good listener. Take time to be present and really pay attention. People in grief want to be heard and you may need to listen more than once to the same story. Bring some flowers, brew some tea, or light a candle and sit relaxed. Good listening shows you care and words aren’t always necessary.  Allow your sister to grieve in her own way. Avoid judgmental statements that could make her feel that her behavior is not appropriate. Grieving takes time and many forms as each individual will respond differently. Some may want to escape over the holidays and spend the time away.  Others will want to have family and friends around them. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Coming to terms with a loss brings out the God questions as expressed in Psalm 88:14, “Why, O Lord, do you hide your face from me?” We can be the “face” of God in our ministry of sister-care, assuring that God does care and we care. Lorraine Eby Coordinator of Sister Care, Franklin Conference, South Central Pennsylvania, northern Maryland Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference.     The Kitchen Table      November 2009 My grandmother, Nora Eshleman, had an interesting room upstairs in her house. It had no bedroom furniture. Instead the room was furnished with about six sewing machines lined around the room. As a child I wondered why grandma had so many sewing machines in one room. I learned that once a month women from her church gathered there to sew for relief.  Known as the Sewing Circle, they sewed patches together to make “comfort” tops and pre-cut clothing items from Mennonite Central Committee. Others knotted comforts on an extension table in the center of the room.  Some congregations had space in their buildings to accommodate sewing machines and the Sewing Circle would meet in the church. As a young child, I often accompanied my mother and remember listening to the conversations between the women as they sewed. In reflecting, I am aware there was more going on at the Sewing Circle than women keeping sewing machines humming for relief. Women were in conversation with one another, listening to each other, sharing their faith stories, affirming one another, exchanging cooking and housekeeping tips and parenting/grandparenting skills. Women of different generations caring for each other in much the same way as women did in earlier times when they came together at the quilting bees or prepared meals for large groups of men at a barn raising. As women entered the workforce in the 70’s, the interest in Sewing Circles in Franklin Conference and church wide began to diminish. In today’s fast-paced world, how are women caring for one another or affirming each other’s gifts?  As families are scattered by distance where do women turn when they are troubled or feel alone in their faith journey? Where are the opportunities for the “older women to teach the younger women?” It happens as women become sensitive to other women and intentionally reach out to listen and encourage one other.  It may be while sitting together watching their children at a school sporting event, doing projects at CVRC, meeting one-on-one at a local restaurant or at the kitchen table over a cup of tea. It can happen in conversation after worship service. As a young mother I sometimes received “a gift of love” in a phone call from one of my older “sisters” telling me I was missed at church when I stayed at home with a sick child. That is what “sister care” is all about, sisters caring for one another.  In this column the focus will be on ways women connect in Franklin Conference today, whether working on mission and service projects together or finding other ways to reach out and share the journey with one another.  How have you been encouraged by another sister? Your story is important and we want to share it at “The Kitchen Table.”  Send to 1278 Sollenberger Road, Chambersburg or email to donloreby1@embarqmail.com Lorraine Eby Coordinator of Sister Care, Franklin Conference, South Central Pennsylvania, northern Maryland Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference.