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The Kitchen Table by Lorraine Eby   June  2013  The article for this month is submitted by Rebecca Martin, Administrative Secretary for Franklin Mennonite Conference.  Rebecca and her husband Andrew are the parents of two preschool sons and attend Salem Ridge Community Church. Every summer my husband’s family cooks, cuts and freezes corn. They have a very particular method of slicing the kernels from the cob and then using the back of the knife to scrape all of the juices into a bowl. It is hot, sticky and hand-cramping work, but the result is a slushy mess that freezes nicely and becomes a buttery treat in the dead of winter.

Sister Care conference role   Lorraine Eby serves as Franklin Conference Sister-Care coordinator, role added to conference in 2009.   Darrell Baer, Franklin conference minister, said he thought Eby’s position should connect to the whole conference by serving on the conference board. At this time, the board also hoped to send a new voice to Constituency Leaders Council (CLC), along with Baer and Allen Lehman, moderator. “This gives her a platform for her position,” says Baer.  Eby will work closely with the Franklin conference MW executive committee who proposed this position to the conference as a way of strengthening the ministry of Mennonite Women with in the local congregations.   Lorraine says, “The important part of this assignment for me is to find ways to support women in the congregations, to encourage women to care for one other and to affirm each other's gifts."    Lorraine and her husband, Don, are members of the Marion Mennonite Church in Chambersburg, Pa., where she serves as minister of church life. She is the coordinator for church and community relations at Menno Haven Retirement Communities in Chambersburg. As Sister Care coordinator she writes a monthly column for The Burning Bush titled “The Kitchen Table.

As much as I have come to appreciate the yeatly tradition, my children enjoy it more and why not? There are sharp knives lying around and big dangerous buckets of water. Best of all, the grown-ups are so busy trying to keep them away from the first two things, no one cares when they help themselves to a fourth, or even fifth, warm ears of corn. “I don’t understand how women used to do this,” I complained to my mother-in-law. “How did they can and freeze and dry all of their food with small children underfoot?” “Well, you didn’t do it alone,” she replied. “You lived in community. There was always family around to help, and older cousins or siblings to watch the younger kids. Everyone worked together.” As grateful as I am to be a parent in the age of disposable diapers and washing machines, I cannot help but wonder if we lost something important along the way. Laundry no longer takes an extra pair of hands to do, so we do it alone. Our food is already packaged and stored, so we shop and plan meals alone. We do not know who our neighbors are, so we keep our kids close, even in our own yards. Every generation has their battles to fight, but our grandparents did it in community, and it seems to me that we are desperately trying to shoulder it alone. Churches often emphasize community. We are surrounded by discussions on how to build it and foster it. What often goes unspoken is that we have to be taught to live in community because it no longer comes naturally to us. In our modern, individualistic society, we see dependence on others as a weakness. If we have to be the body of Christ, then everyone wants to be the head, and no one wants to be the elbows. 1 Corinthians 12 illustrates the body of Christ and what it means to live in community with one another. Verse seventeen starts by asking “if the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.” Could I cook, cut and freeze a hundred ears of corn by myself? I suppose it is theoretically possible. But it would be a frantic rush of labor, probably while my children were tied to chairs in front of the TV. It wouldn’t be nearly as much fun as sitting in the shade of my in-law’s garage, watching my children get wet from the hose and sticky from corn and then wet again. This is something I want them to have, an illustration of what it means to live, work and eat in community. It isn’t always so easy or so fun. We are after all, different parts to the body. We have different opinions, different perspectives and different gifts. The world is a different place for us than it was for our grandparent’s generation. But no matter how much things change, the need for community remains the same. And even when we struggle with it, our lives are better for the effort.  Rebecca Martin, Salem Ridge Community Church   May 2013   Almost every day I am reminded that I do certain things a specific way because that is the way my mother taught me. Knowing there are others who learned from their mother, I invited several women representing different generations to share a learning story. Here are their stories: “Mother would let us do what we wanted on a rainy day so that she could read and to give us a break from our regular work responsibilities. It was like a gift to us. She loved reading and needle work. She could find the humor in everyday happenings. My sister-in-law always loved going to visit because of her crazy sense of humor and her laughter.” (Doris Sollenberger) “The first thing that came to mind was, ‘Just do it!’ Whatever you face in life….just do it. She taught me that with God’s help we are more than conquerors and can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. And when she was hurting or feeling alone…she would bake some bread and go visit someone else who was hurting or alone…her antidote to her own pain was to do good to someone else.” (Wilma Martin) “One thing I learned from my mother is how to respect my husband. She told me from the time I could understand what she was saying (and probably before) that a wife should never disrespect or degrade her husband, especially in front of others. I saw this respect at home and I saw it as she conversed with others. I watched my mom live out her own teaching and saw this as a true sign of strength and love manifested in my parents' marriage. It made me feel secure as a child, and I pray my own children feel the same sense of security.”  (Roxanne Hoover) “I vaguely remember my first few weeks as a mother. I believe I spent most of them trying to nurse a screaming baby and then giving up in tears. I remember my mother consoling me over the phone, ‘You just keep telling him that you're his mommy, and you know best!’ It seemed like a silly thing to say to a newborn, but I kept saying it, and eventually I realized I wasn't really talking to my son. I was talking to myself. One thing I learned from my mother is that parenting is about confidence, even when you have to fake it.” (Rebecca Martin) In the ministry of sisters caring for each other, we will soon discover not all women have pleasant reflections of their mother.  They may have grown up with a mother absent in the household due to death or divorce or were abused. In preparation for this article I spent some time with a friend whose mother suffered from an undiagnosed mental illness. Her mother deserted the family several times during her childhood and left for good when she was an adolescent.  I wanted to know how she would respond when asked what she learned from her mother and her feelings when she hears others speak highly of their honorable mothers.  “My mother taught me to work hard. It has served me well in life. As for the pain of the past, I made a conscious choice to forgive my mother.  My Dad modeled that forgiveness and counseling and a strong faith helped as well.  It was not easy. There have always been other women who mentored me and listened to me at different times such as my best friend’s mother.  I always knew her house was a safe place.” Whatever the memories of our mother may be, pleasant or unpleasant, our mother gave to us the gift of life. Mitch Albom writes in his book, For One More Day: “Behind all your stories is always your mother’s story, because hers is where yours begins.” Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator April 2013 Living in community is a strong component of Anabaptist theology. It is how Mennonites have defined their spirituality. Growing up in the church, community is so much a part of my social and spiritual development it is difficult to imagine life without supportive and caring individuals. Sometime ago I was in conversation with a dear sister friend discussing the blessings of community. She reflected that coming to faith as an adult in our church and experiencing community for the first time opened a whole new life for her. The opportunity to share her prayer requests during sharing time became her lifeline. As a new believer she had many needs but soon noticed that others who grew up in the congregation didn’t share so much. She interpreted this to mean others had their lives together and she was the only one who didn’t. I assured her the support of community is a special gift and that I and others did indeed have needs. However, I often restrain from sharing my needs, filtering what I share publicly in my congregation. I am aware that my comment has the potential to go beyond the church walls.  I feared that my request would become tomorrow’s conversation between others who knew me in the larger Mennonite community. It comes under the category of being the subject of gossip.  This was a new thought to my sister who was centered on only the benefits of community. I have associated gossip to be that which is negative spoken about another and have used various tools to be mindful of my speech, for example THINK; T - is it true? H - is it Helpful?  I – does it Inspire confidence N – is it Necessary? K – is it Kind? Recently I reflected on this concept when I read about a lecture on gossip given by the spiritual teacher and lecturer, Marianne Williamson.  I reflected on some of the scriptures that refer to our conversation, like Colossians 4:6a, “Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt.” (NIV) And what about this wise quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people.” Does my conversation demonstrate grace and have a flavor of depth? How does one connect with others if you don’t talk about other people that you both know? Is it a destructive practice in the spiritual community to report good things about my sisters? Williamson suggests that speaking about anyone who is not present is considered gossip, even other people’s good news.  Do I have a right to steal someone’s special moment to tell their own good news without their permission?  Or how do I respond when another sister comes to me with information about another sister, seeking my opinion or more information to add to her report? Sometimes a graceful, seasoned response may be silence. Words are not always the bridge to a healthy spiritual community. Some further questions for discussion: 1.     What is my definition of gossip? 2.     What role does permission have in sharing another’s story? 3.     How are the stories of my struggles a gift to be shared within the community? Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator March 2013 In the rush-hour parenting years, when life moves so quickly and every day so crowded, normal living patterns can develop into behaviors that we wish to be different. To expect a perfect household is not reality but what can we do when we are aware of fundamental values becoming lost? How do you propose adjustments or discuss new guidelines that will improve quality of life for everyone when schedules are so chaotic? The dinner table can certainly work for addressing less notable items but speaking to greater concerns may require giving thought to a different setting. During our parenting years we discovered the conversation took on more significance in a different space, a room we didn’t normally all gather, which was our living room. The boys knew the announcement of a “Family Meeting” meant something of real importance was on the agenda. I was reminded of this ritual when I read Gretchen Rubin’s book, Happier at Home. She relates a similar family setting in which she shared a concern about the level of happiness in their household.  What ideas could the family offer and adopt to improve happiness for everyone?  Her young daughter responded, ”People would always give me a big hug and a big kiss every time they saw me.”  After some time of discussion a resolution was developed and everyone agreed, “When anyone comes home or is leaving we will all pay attention to that person for a minute, giving a warm greeting or farewell.”  Rubin relates that this resolution was not so easy or convenient to follow for her, especially when her husband calls “Gretch, I am leaving” and she is in the middle of her morning routine.  Or to disconnect from her in-home office work time for a minute to acknowledge the children’s returned to the house.  But she reminds herself that the benefit outweighs the disruption.  If she wants to reap the benefit of receiving loving attention from her spouse and children, she needs to give loving attention.  She believes the principle of ‘getting more of what you give’ is a value worth paying attention to.  In the context of happiness, Gretchen suggests this may be what Jesus meant in Mark 4:25, “For they that have, to them shall be given; and they that have not, from them shall be taken, even that which they have.”   When you feel and respond lovingly, others respond to you the same.  The Message says it this way, “Giving, not getting, is the way.  Generosity begets generosity. Stinginess impoverishes.”   The hard truth is when you are feeling unloving it takes an intentional commitment to give loving attention to others.  When we are feeling ugly our natural response is to withhold affection but wish for others to give us warm and caring attention.   One of the cell phone providers, in an effort to discourage texting while driving, initiated the slogan, “It Can Wait.”  Perhaps it is also a good phrase to repeat to ourselves when we have to disconnect from our personal agenda (or electronic device) and take a minute to acknowledge the comings and goings of our household members.  “It can wait” is an exercise worth teaching our sons and daughters, to receive value means to take time to value others.  Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator January 2013 At the Franklin Conference Mennonite Women’s annual event in November, several women were asked to share their story of God’s calling to follow God’s mission in the world along with a scripture that has guided them. One of those women was Danae Amstutz and she has given permission to include her story in The Kitchen Table. A member at the Mercersburg Mennonite Church, Danae is the mother of two young sons. "My first experience of God’s calling was at a young age. It was during my 6th grade year of school and I began to naturally find myself mediating between my friends’ conflicts. My Dad saw my giftedness and called it out in my life. I still remember him saying, “Danae, I think this is God’s calling for you.” Ever since that time I have pursued becoming a counselor. A verse that has been significant to me throughout my journey has been Ephesians 2:10 which says, “For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” There are several things that stand out to me in this verse. The first is that I am on purpose and have a purpose. The mental image I get is that of God reaching down as a baby is being knitted together in its mother’s womb and weaving the fibers of who that person will be into the fabric of their being.  The second thing that stands out is that God KNOWS the experiences I will have in this life and has PREPARED them in advance. I don’t have to question my ability. God has prepared me in advance for whatever the situation will be and has prepared the situation in advance for me as well. I also don’t have to try and make God’s will happen. He has it prepared! As my family gathers to celebrate holidays together I don’t find myself wondering if there will be adequate food, if it will taste good or if it will be served in a timely fashion. I have full confidence in my Mother’s ability to set a feast on the table. I know she is prepared and I can trust her to do it well. I can also trust my Heavenly Father to prepare His will and put it together wonderfully. Thirdly, the last four words of this verse “for us to do” cause me to think of my own two young sons who love to help me in the kitchen. They often pull up a chair and ask to help. It is very easy for me to become impatient with them, after all, things go much more smoothly when I stir, add flour to the mixer, and crack the eggs. God could totally say the same thing. “Stand back and watch as I create this masterpiece!” Yet, He doesn’t and He knows that at times I’ll make a big mess of it all. Still, He has allowed me, allows you, the awesome privilege of partnering with Him in His work. What a gift, what a calling!” Thank you, Danae, for sharing your story. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator December 2012 The Veggie Tale videos for kids are delightfully entertaining. I love watching them with little people but I have discovered the values they teach are not just for children. There are hidden messages for adults in the story line. My favorite is “Madame Blueberry”. In this video, Madame Blueberry goes on a shopping spree and buys everything in sight which eventually leads to a crisis. When all the “stuff” is delivered, her tree house becomes too heavy, tips over and crashes to the ground destroying all her purchases. I thought about this video a lot several years ago while I was placing all our stuff into boxes in preparation for a move from a house we had lived in for 44 years. Stuff just seems to happen and not necessarily from a shopping spree. It comes in gradually, one item at a time, and it stays there until we do a major clean-out.  I remember the freedom I felt in leaving behind the boxes of unnecessary stuff to be taken to the thrift store.  We brought to our new house only those things that were needed for our comfort, including a few memoirs to connect us with happy happenings in our past life.  Now the challenge is to make sure unnecessary stuff doesn’t happen in our new space. Stuff also happens in our souls.  It comes in gradually, one negative thought at a time, piling up and taking away our joy.  It stays there until we make a conscious effort to discard. At the closing of the year, I wonder what inner stuff I could be carrying into the new year?  What do I need to name and leave behind? My dear sisters, during this busy Christmas season, let’s find time for reflection on the inner stuff we have  accumulated this past year (or maybe longer) to allow the spirit of Christ to cleanse us from all that weights us down  -  stuff that distracts us from experiencing the peace that passes all understanding?  “Cause when we say no to the things of this world, we open our hearts to the love of the Lord and it’s hard to imagine the freedom we find , from the things we leave behind.”  (From “Things We Leave Behind” by Michael Card, musician) Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator November 2012 The wind has a sharp chill today and the leaves are changing into radiant colors. As I view the outdoor scene I am reminded of a poem I learned in first grade; “Come, little leaves,” said the wind one day, “Come o’er the meadows with me, and play. Put on your dresses of red and gold; Summer is gone, and the days grow cold." November is a time when all the growing things seem to be put to rest for a few months and a sense of peace settles in our valley. But not so for many of my sisters. For women it signals one of the busiest seasons in our calendar year. With two major holidays on the horizon there is much to do on our to-do list: home decorating, cooking, baking and gift buying. We will work selflessly, at the cost of losing our own happiness, in an effort to provide happiness for our families as we secretly wonder how we will get it all accomplished. What is happiness and how is it achieved? I have noted during the past year that at least two secular magazines featured articles about happiness, one featuring a continuing series on the theme.  Our culture calls us to believe that things will make us and our loved ones happy.  So why are we still looking for happiness? The Prevention magazine article states, “most of us look for happiness “out there” which leaves us to believe it is out of our control.  The truth is happiness is an internal state of well-being or contentment that has nothing to do with life’s ups and downs.”   “Happiness and an appreciation for the small stuff are related, according to Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., psychology professor at the University of California. “Happy people report that they enjoy simple things like a sunny day or having lunch with a friend."  They also take less for granted, and they're more grateful. A 2003 study showed that people who regularly take note of the positive things in their lives feel more overall satisfaction, more connection with others, and greater optimism than those who focus on their burdens.“ (Goodhousekeeping.com) We cannot “make” our loved ones happy. But we can seek for and model to others what true happiness looks like. If given a choice, our children and spouse will choose a happy parent or soul-mate over a beautifully decorated house or expensive gift. The Jeremiah 6:16 passage is one that calls me back to what life’s priorities are all about. “Go stand at the crossroads and look around.  Ask for directions to the old road, the tried and true road. Then take it. Discover the right route for your souls.”  (The Message) Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator March 2012 (The link this month is to an earlier column by Lorraine Eby, not previously published in A Postcard and a Prayer. Enjoy Lorraine's reflections on the seasons of life, and the season in which you currently find yourself or a friend.) After spending several weeks in the south this winter, returning to snow covered Pennsylvania was a shocking adjustment. Our friends and family did their best to prepare us with their emails. We smiled as we read the text message, “What are you doing today?” that was attached to a photo of two snowmen built by our granddaughters. But no preparation quite prepared us for the change from a spring-like season to a sudden plunge into the cold winter season. In reality, we had to physically be in Pennsylvania to experience it for ourselves. We live life in seasons, physically and emotionally. Observing how others live life is not the same as living it ourselves. As women, we may feel there are few resources that give specific direction for how emotional and spiritual development happens for adults.  In contrast, much is written about developmental stages of children. There are guidelines for the “normal”. What about a road map for adults? How do we anticipate, plan for, and map out our life stages or seasons of spiritual and emotional development?  When our life seems out of control, we are likely to believe our feelings are evidence of our inadequacies, rather than as a valid stage or season unfolding in a sequence of growth. It is easy to blame our periods of disequilibrium on the closest person or our church, our mother, our husband, our co-workers, our extended family, the system.  We look for a cop out to avoid the soul work that God is calling us to do. There is often reference to a women’s life being like the four seasons, “spring” the time of being young, “summer” and “fall” the middle years and older age “winter.”  I have come to understand that within each stage of our lives there are seasons, and we may experience spring, summer, fall, and winter in our youth, mid-life stages, and older age. There are natural rhythms of life, contrasts of happiness and sadness, light and dark, springtime and wintertime. We go from one perspective of normal to a new prospective, a new normal. These soul-stretching times can be triggered by unplanned events or by the adjustments to the life stages. As we adjust to a new normal we get comfortable with a sense of control, the unfolding of life like buds of springtime with the potential of basking in the never ending summer sun. Then hints that life is changing, a sense of instability like leaves of autumn falling upon us and with it comes doom and fear of the unknown. Our normal is leaving, we have no control. We have never been here before. Life as we know it is gone and we find winter and darkness upon us as we grieve our loss. Will springtime ever come again? During the good times, we want to stop time, build a tent or a shelter of protection around us, and remain there. We believe we have settled all of our God questions for the future. The disciples of Jesus had a similar idea. Jesus had just provided unexpected dark news about His coming death, something that altered their understanding of the future. About a week later, Jesus led them to the mountain top where they experienced the ultimate in an emotional/spiritual high. Their first thought was to erect some tents and stay there. Jesus didn’t reprimand them for their immature response. He gently led them back down the mountain to reality. Scriptures in Matthew and James tell us we can expect interruptions or trials on our life journey and they can be embraced as opportunities.  They push us to a new level of God-trust.  God takes the dark times of our life and transforms them with His light into soul growth. Without winter there can be no spring. It requires releasing our control to God’s control over and over again.  The old must die so the new can come. Music, quiet reflection and caring sisters are helpful resources when we are going through the fall and winter seasons. It is not a process to be hurried. Soul work takes time and energy. It often includes a sense of confusion with no answers. If you are walking with a sister who is experiencing a winter, careful listening provides a God presence for the soul that is being reborn, allowing the Spirit to do its healing work. Just being there can provide the hope needed to embrace life again. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator September 2012 Most Mennonite women who were married between 1957 and 1977 and grew up in a Mennonite family will probably say that the Mennonite Community Cookbook by Mary Emma Showalter was their primary cook book when they became a homemaker. But for me I needed a more detailed and visual manual for cooking that included extra tips that are learned only by years of experience. Betty Crocker’s New Picture Cook Book, First Edition printed in 1961, became the foundational cookbook that got me off to a good start in cooking for my family. Recently I realized how well it was used when I discovered most all the 456 loose leaf pages needed to be repaired with notebook reinforcement circles. I am now the owner of the 11th edition of this cook book (printed 2011), recommended by a sister (who did not grow up Mennonite). All of the fundamental cooking guidelines are still included, along with some new variations that are applicable for how cooking is done today, and includes the number of calories per serving or suggestions to reduce calories for most recipes. Just as our cooking is shaped by foundational cooking understanding, so is our spiritual formation built on scriptural passages that were instrumental in forming our spirituality. Our denominational leaders are suggesting that during the next year we participate in the exercise of reflecting on what scripture passages were foundational in forming our spiritual concepts. This does not necessarily mean our “favorites”.  As I have reflected on this exercise the first scripture that came to mind as one shaping my understanding and thoughts about God was Isaiah 55:9, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” It was the text of a funeral sermon for a young man who died suddenly about a year after being diagnosed with kidney failure, leaving his family and a young bride unexpectedly. Don and I had worked closely with him in the church youth group and his death rocked the foundations of my faith and filled me with unanswered God questions. I cannot tell you the text of any funeral sermons since then but the Isaiah text is forever in my memory. The Isaiah passage provided the bridge I needed to restore my faith then and many times since, that in this life we will never have all the answers to our God questions nor do I need to.  God’s realm of thinking is so far removed from my human understanding and I need to allow the creator God to be God and far greater than my human mind will ever perceive. What scripture passages have built or formed your faith foundation? You may want to explore this exercise as you gather with other sisters in your congregation. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator August 2012 Grandparent Camp 2012 is now over and all that is left are the memories. After four busy days living with our six grandchildren without their parents, the house is too quiet. Ranging in age from six to seventeen, it takes some diligent schedule arranging to bring them together from several states but the memories more than compensate the effort. One of the benefits of being a grandmother is having time to process or mentally recreate an event after the happening. During my years as a parent, life just kept happening, going from one event to another with little time for recollection. After a summer vacation, it seemed we hurried home to pick up the demands of life where we left off before we packed to leave.  Marilu Henner in her book, Total Memory Makeover, discusses the value of reflecting and quotes her father as saying, “There are three parts to every event: anticipation, participation and recollection and the greatest of these is recollection.” She says, “Memory is everything…all you do, all that you see, everything you learn, and each person you meet, and all of your experiences have conscious meaning only in so far as you remember them. . . The more associations you can make through memory, the more rewarding your life will be.” Henner suggests that recollection can keep us from making the same mistakes over and over again. Journaling is one way to process memories and I admire those who are dedicated to the discipline.  I am more sporadic in writing my recollections and tend to journal only through times of discouragement, the really big events or the God-awareness moments. Combining journaling with prayerful reflection opens our lives to the counsel of the spirit of Christ. Passing on our recollections to others can be a priceless gift and many women do this through scrapbooking. It takes some discipline to include feelings and emotions along with the pictures but there is great value for the writer as well as others who view the writing. It is interesting to hear how other women preserve and learn from reflecting.  Perhaps you will want to do this as an exercise with the sisters at your church to share some new ideas. I was taking a creative writing course at a local college when our first grandchild was born and one of the class assignments was to write about a recent experience that touched my emotions.  I wrote about my emotions from the time we got the call announcing his birth until I held him in my arms for the first time.  I have continued this exercise for each of the grandchildren and include as the first page in the scrapbooks I am creating for them. From my memoirs they learn how their birth affected my life. Memories and how we pay attention to them is an important exercise in making sense of our life. In the Old and the New Testament references are made to the significance of remembering.  The Israelites were instructed to pick up 12 stones from the bottom of the Jordan River as they crossed on dry ground and to place the stones on a pile so that generations to come could be told the story of God’s miracle.  Timothy was challenged to remember the teachings of his mother and grandmother.  Jesus told his disciples to observe the breaking of bread and drinking the cup in remembrance of His life and death until He returns. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator July 2012 Music plays a vital role in our lives. Someone has said, “Music speaks what cannot be expressed, soothes the mind and gives it rest, heals the heart and makes it whole, and flows from heaven to the soul.” (Author Unknown) In our congregations we would all agree that music becomes the channel through which our spirit joins with the Spirit of Christ during worship. What we may not agree on is the style of music selected by the worship planner. Music styles can get in the way of the Spirit connection when the music is not to our liking or preference. In my home and car I get to select music of my preference, but not so in corporate worship. The change in music styles in our churches has not come without great challenges for the worshiper and the worship leader. Katie Wiebe, a Mennonite writer, states in her book, Prayers of the Omega, “Saturday is hymn day” since the hymns will not be included in Sunday worship. Tony Compolo is quoted as saying, “When I get to heaven, if they have an overhead projector, I’m out of there.” One of the reasons for the challenge is related to the fact that within the congregation we now have four generations present, each with different preferences.  This has never happened before.  Sociologists have given labels to these generation groups and describe them as cohorts - we know them as the Silent Generation (born 1933-1945), the Baby Boomers (born 1946-1964), the Generation X (born 1965-1976) and the Millennials, (born 1977-1998). Each of these groups have shared and been impacted by similar world events or happenings that were occurring within the culture between the ages of 17-23, the impressionable age when life-long values are formed.  These events are known as “defining moments” and shape each cohort differently than the other.  I find it interesting to note that music is one of these happenings.  For example, if rock music was the popular style during the impressionable age, rock music will likely be the style of choice at an older age.  As Christians, the music that we listened to during the impressionable years - the years we were beginning to take ownership of our faith development - that style will generally become our preference throughout life.  Planning worship that works for all generations is almost impossible may be the response.  However, if the church is to be the church for all ages, it matters how we pray together, how we read the Bible together, how we tell our stories together and how we sing together.  Some churches, if large enough, resolve the issue by offering both traditional and contemporary worship services.  For smaller congregations two services is not an option. How age-inclusive is the worship in your church? Someone has said, “Worship is the response of grateful and humble people to the living God where submission, sacrificial service, praise, testimony and gratitude are freely expressed.”  Each generation has a unique role to play in helping the other by bringing balance to their spiritual journey and “in honor, preferring one another.” The older adults need the passion and spirited songs of the youth and the youth need the beloved hymns of the older that speak of the faithfulness of God through the trials of life.  To those planning corporate intergenerational worship, it is well worth the effort to prayerfully offer a blended selection of music where each generation of women (and men) is honored and will find at least one spiritual song that will connect with their spirit, enabling them to experience the presence of the living God. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator June 2012 This year I am attending the high school graduation of our oldest grandchild. So lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the graduation ritual and how it affects not only the graduate but the family surrounding the graduate. I, the grandmother, am transitioning to something that is unfamiliar - I’ve never been the grandmother of a young adult. In a conversation with the mother of a high school graduate recently, she expressed how difficult it is right now as her two boys are “leaving the nest.” She has spent the last 18 years devoted to and looking after the safety and well-being of her children. It totally consumed her life and her identity. The boys are eager (and surprisingly capable, she mentions) to take on the responsibility for themselves. She is now aware of the sad truth - if parents do the parenting job right, they invest everything into helping these tender creatures leave them. My friend is asking the age old questions, “What now? Who am I when the children leave? Have I outlived my usefulness?” Graduation is a ritual of celebration, the completion of something significant in the world of education. To the student, and the family of the graduate, it announces the ending of something comfortable and launches the beginning of the new and unknown. Beginnings can be messy because they involve new understandings, adjusting to new ways of relating, new values, but most of all new identities. D.H. Lawrence, an English novelist, said, “The world fears a new experience more than it fears anything, because a new experience displaces so many old experiences.” Where do we place our identity? If our identity is defined in what we do— the skills of being a mother or grandmother, our career, or service to others — we may find ourselves disappointed. Our roles can and will change. Graduations remind us that children grow up and become adults. Dear sister, our identity is only secure is Christ who doesn’t change, for Jesus is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. (Hebrews 13:8) No matter how our circumstances change, we can know that our Creator will remain the same. We can be assured that the spirit of Christ will lead us into new understandings and guide us as we launch new beginnings. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator May 2012 Watching the young children at our church participate in the MCC Penny Power project is a heartwarming moment. The children eagerly wait at their seat until the offering plate comes to their row and then rush to the front of the worship center, some with coins clutched tightly in their small hands; others carry zip-lock bags filled with coins. The highpoint for me is watching a mother leading a toddler, too young to venture down the aisle alone. At first the little one seems overwhelmed by the bustling activity but with patient coaching from the mother begins to understand the process. The small fist opens and the pennies begin to drop slowly, one by one into the container. When the hand is empty the child quickly looks up at the mother, searching her face for affirmation. The eyes of the little one appear to be asking, “Did I get it right?” Watching this ritual, I am reminded of the never ending coaching role of being a mom.  Nurturing small children takes huge amounts of energy and creativity.  It is never ending and begins without previous training and experience, and needs to be tailored specifically for each child. What works for one may not be helpful to another. In Deuteronomy 11:19 God instructed the Israelites to talk about the important things to their children wherever they were and whatever they were doing. Perhaps for us today it is while being at home or riding in the car together.  One dear older sister inferred this to me years ago when she commented on how much time children spend in the car with their parents as compared to when she was raising her family.  She stated that while in the car, our boys were a captive audience and that I should take advantage of it as times for wholesome learning. That was before the days of smart phones and DVD’s, but it applies to life now as well.  How is car- time used as families race from one activity to another? Where are the teachable moments? In the book, Mitten Strings for God - Reflections for Mothers in a Hurry, Katrina Kenison writes that nothing in her college education prepared her for being a mother. “We try so hard to get it right all the time. There are so many values we want to pass on to our kids but the busyness and hectic schedules keep pulling us away from our ideals. The point is not to get it right all the time, but rather to be gentle and compassionate with ourselves, even as we learn to treat others with compassion.  We pay attention, we get distracted, we pay attention once more, we lose our way again.  But still we can come back, over and over and over, to what we know – this path of connection, this path of love, this path of peace.” We sometimes joke about the old saying, ‘If Momma ain’t happy, there ain’t nobody happy.’  But like it or not a mother’s attitude impacts the relationship quality in our homes. Our voice counts the most and will be heard in our children’s head for the rest of their lives.  Our responses, and the tone of our responses, can be the thermometer that guides us.  Do I pay attention to what was going on within myself that sparked a sharp response? To find the path of connection, love, and peace, it requires carving out time to process. Why did I react in ways I was not proud of? In quiet reflection sometimes the loving spirit of Christ reveals to us that our response was triggered by something that needs God’s healing and grace.  And sometimes it takes the patient ear of a caring sister reflecting back to us what they hear us saying that allows us to make these discoveries. We can then accept God’s healing love and forgiveness, freeing us to respond differently the next time. God’s love for us is not conditioned by our “getting it right all the time.”  This gift of love is there for us even when we get it wrong. Accepting the coaching of the Spirit allows us to look into the face of our Creator, finding affirmation, acceptance, and peace, knowing we are God’s beloved. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator April 2012 Getting a new pair of shoes for Easter was a really big deal when I was a child. Every spring, a new pair of shiny black slippers with strap and buckle fasteners were brought home from the store in their box and carefully placed on the top shelf of my closet. The shoes were fitted large enough that I could wear them for a year and worn only to church. I waited with eager anticipation to wear them the very first time on Easter morning. One year I persuaded my mother to wear the new shoes before Easter to a Sunday evening service at an area church. Walking from the parking lot with my mother, I accidentally scraped the top of one shoe on the rough underside of the cement steps, peeling back the upper layer of shiny leather into a wedge-shaped tear. I remember the disappointment I felt when I looked down at my shoe.  The consoling words of my mother did nothing to lessen my inward pain.  The shiny new shoes were now marred with an ugly scar and all hope was gone that they could be restored like they were before. The hope and anticipated joy of having new shoes for Easter was suddenly tainted. I remember feeling much the same way last summer as I lay on the ground with my foot in an unnatural position. An ex-ray confirmed my suspicion. The leg was broken just above the ankle. In an instant, my immediate future was about to change and a deep sense of disappointment overwhelmed me. Gone were all the plans for summer activities.  I would be on a powerless journey of waiting for hope. We all experience times of waiting for hope along the journey of life, a moment when life takes a surprise turn and our future is suddenly altered.  Sometimes the loss is temporary; sometimes it remains with us, changing life from that moment on. These disappointments usually leave some after-effect. Thomas Hardy, a British Novelist and poet, once wrote, “The sudden disappointment of hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes.”  Marilyn Chandler Mcentyre, in a recent issue of Weavings, writes, “Waiting for hope may be the most maddening and difficult moral and psychological challenges life presents. When all we can do is wait, we feel consigned to passivity, uncertainty and powerlessness.” She says waiting for hope can be a radical acceptance, referring to I John 3:3a, ‘Everyone who has this hope in (Christ.)’  And there is a difference between ‘hope for’ and to ‘hope in.’ “Real hope invites us to recognize the present moment as the time of divine encounter, and to identify both the spiritual and practical possibilities given shape by its very limitations.” Marilyn suggests that Job’s friends were not very helpful in giving ‘true’ hope. “Job’s words, ‘Blessed be the name of the Lord’ are made possible by a life of faith that produces patience—not by suppressing human longings, but by transforming them.” Like Job’s friends, in our sister care efforts to be to be a comforter, we can be guilty of offering false hope in our positive-thinking comments. Real hope, the kind that holds us steady in our ‘loss of hope moments’ is having the healing listening of others, sitting quietly with us in our waiting.  There are really no words to offer.  God often appears to be mysteriously absent in these moments. The quiet presence of another sister is the gift that can awaken in us the hope in Christ. Marilyn reminds us, “In the embrace of the Holy One we may live out even our darkest hours, drawing upon a hope that, like God’s peace, passes understanding.”  May the risen Christ be our hope as we find ways to bring  healing hope to others. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator March 2012 MY HEALING JOURNEY – Freda Neil “You will just have to find a med to help you live with the pain in your legs because you are not a candidate for surgery.” This was the motivating statement I received from a specialist as I searched for relief from debilitating leg and lower back pain of the past year. After months of appointments with specialists and doctors, X-rays, MRI’s, medications, epidural shots, chiropractor treatments, and physical therapy, I could not wrap my mind around this verdict. Choices were made daily to accommodate my handicap. House work, walking, and sitting were all done with great effort and pain, so I stayed home more and more from outings and events. Through this time, many hands were laid upon me by people of faith, I was anointed with oil, and spoke words of faith, knowing God could and was willing to heal me. I reasoned that if God chose not to use the medical profession, He would do it supernaturally! Dare I hope for this? In May 2011, I visited my family doctor asking for a second opinion of a doctor who may help me. She looked at my records and felt that surgery was a possibility, so referred me to a neurologist at Hershey Medical.  I went home with new found hope that my prayer was closer to being answered. It was at this point that “God’s peace which transcends all understanding” settled upon my heart.  My husband and I both sensed God was guiding us, even though Satan whispered, “Only critically sick people go to Hershey Medical. You will look silly when the doctor asks why you are wasting his time.”  Knowing the enemy’s schemes to deceive and discourage only confirmed to me that God was guiding each contact and helping with every decision presented to me. Rather than three months, as the doctor had predicted, it was three weeks when the neurologist’s office called with the appointment.  The same day an MRI and X-rays were ordered, along with a reading and consultation, confirming that my condition was complicated; scoliosis of the spine, pinched nerves, arthritis, and bulging discs were causing the pain.  It would require a nine hour surgery with several months of therapy and recuperation.  Prediction was a two month wait to see the surgeon, but God did His work- appointment within three weeks. My husband and I had agreed that moving forward with the surgery was the right decision.  Because of many encouraging voices, the confidence in the surgeon’s expertise, and the peace which continued to reign in my soul, I knew that God was leading me to take this step. The surgeon explained the dynamics of the procedure and we promptly did the necessary paperwork to proceed with the surgery, Oct 7.  As I write this testimony, I am on the other side of a nine hour surgery, hardware installed, incision healed, LEG & BACK PAIN GONE, physical therapy done, and only twinges of “healing pain” that remind me of God’s work in my body.  The most awesome resource is PRAYER.  As I “get out and about” I am amazed how many people tell me, “I have been praying for you—you are on our church’s prayer list.” I received over a hundred cards, letting me know of faithful “pray-ers” on my behalf.   THANK YOU to all who prayed for wisdom and healing and are now rejoicing with me for God’s grace through this journey.    Phil 4:6-7 was my lifeline through this experience [Amplified]  “Do not fret or have any anxiety about anything, but in every circumstance and in everything, BY PRAYER AND DEFINITE REQUESTS, WITH THANKSGIVING, CONTINUE TO MAKE YOUR WANTS KNOWN TO GOD, and GOD’S PEACE, which transcends all understanding shall guard over your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”  February 2012 The cliché "opposites attract" is often used when personality differences are noticed in a marriage. Is it factual or is it a myth? I decided to explore online and found no scientific studies have been done to determine a conclusion. What we do know for sure is that generally there will be differences when a male and a female begin a relationship. Do we sit down before marriage and check off a spreadsheet to be sure we have enough differences to be attracted to one another? Probably not. A part from being different in gender, these two individuals will look at life from different perspectives; probably one will be more outgoing than the other. One of the most challenging differences in a marriage relationship is blending the extrovert and the introvert temperaments.  Introverts live in an inner world, extroverts in an outer world. Extroverts get energy from socializing and introverts get energy from being alone.  According to the Myers Briggs Personality Assessment, “In our western culture, it’s socially expected that people are extroverts.  The reality is about 40% of the male population is introvert and 60% extrovert. For females, about 30% are introvert and 70% extrovert… About 75% of the population is outgoing and about 25% is intuitive.  There is no difference between males and females in this one.” These opposite temperaments usually find each other and marry.  If the differences match what is perceived as culturally-correct or traditional, when the female is the introvert, the differences are probably easier to resolve.  When the female is the extrovert, married to an introvert, the resolution can be of greater challenge.  In addition to the challenges of working on the differences, there is often a stigma attached; that the ‘wrong’ gender possesses a strength that is culturally acceptable for males. Accepting and owning the gift of being an extrovert female can be a life-long struggle of seeking answers to this dilemma.  A woman in a non-traditional marriage often experiences enormous guilt simply by being who she is created to be.  She can be super-sensitive to how others view her strengths. The Biblical answers often quoted reinforce the cultural expectations and are not very helpful for her situation.  Should not the scriptures be guidelines for all cultures, generations and genders? To my sister gifted with an outgoing personality and struggling with owning your identity, know that you are loved by God and a woman of worth.  The key for a healthy relationship is mutual respect and tolerance for the personality differences.  Don’t allow feelings of resentment to develop toward your reserved husband for being who God created him to be.  His quiet spirit can provide peaceful spaces and stability for your energetic temperament.  Understand he will need alone time to recharge his energy battery and your need for extra social involvement can be met in your career or getting involved in church committees and charitable causes.  And seek out a trusted sister who is also in a non-traditional marriage to share the areas of tension. The truth that men and woman bring different gifts does not imply the superiority of one over the other. Christians are to be in mutual submission to each other, ‘courteously reverent of one another.’ (Ephesians 5:21, The Message) Elizabeth Soto Albrecht the author of the women’s Bible Study Guide, Seek Peace and Pursue It, from Mennonite Women USA, writes, “In God’s (kingdom) there is equal space for all at the table of the Lord.  We are all valued equally.”   Psalm 139 has much to say about our significance to God, “I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” To all my sisters in a marriage relationship, I encourage you on this Valentine’s Day to celebrate your God-given differences, affirming and respecting the balance you bring to each other regardless of which gender has been endowed with certain strengths. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator January 2012 The Christmas decorations are now packed away, the cookies have disappeared, and the gifts have all been given. If statistics are valid, the majority of gifts purchased or received this year were some form of an electronic devise. We are a pleasure seeking society and electronics promise us blissful pleasure and convenience. I have a few of these techy things and enjoy the pleasure they can bring. I became the owner of a laptop about a year ago, a retirement gift to myself, and our children gifted us with a router last Christmas so I have internet access at any place in the house. I can research a recipe in the kitchen, check email while watching TV, and work on The Kitchen Table article in my comfortable recliner. The laptop really became my best friend this summer during my recovery from a leg fracture while I was homebound for two months. Next to visits from friends, my laptop brought me great pleasure via emails of encouragement, games to play, and other internet resources to spend the long hours with my leg propped up. It is so easy to buy into the pleasure seeking allusion.  The media keeps us aware of the newest and greatest gadget to thrill adults and children through their creative ads, such as how we will feel if our cell phone doesn’t deliver text messages “on time” and we will be the last to know.  Parents are under pressure to provide and equip their kids with the best they can afford.  Theme parks provide new rides that promise the best thrill ever. Even the hobby of scrapbooking keeps moving to new levels of creativity. What are the cons to living with this constant pursuit of pleasure?  Dr. Achibald D. Hart, senior professor of psychology and dean emeritus at Fuller Graduate School of Psychology, author of the book entitled, Thrilled To Death, How the Endless Pursuit of Pleasure is Leaving us Numb, has some startling comments.  Here is how he describes the thrill effect on the pleasure center of our brain. “In our fast-paced, pleasure-seeking society, we are obsessed with increasing our level of excitement to feel a sense of pleasure.  When we go to the movies, we expect the action sequences to be more thrilling and spectacular than before.  Our music must be louder and edgier than the last CD.  Even in our churches, preachers must out-wow their last sermon or we might not go back again.  We have become addictively dependent on persistent thrills and kicks. . . Our continuous pursuit of high stimulation is snuffing out our ability to experience genuine pleasure in simple things. . . A feeling of joylessness and cheerlessness is affecting all of us and it is not going away. . . If we don’t take action to correct it, deriving pleasure from the ordinary and healthy experiences of life will be a thing of the past.”   The action needed is to intentionally plan “rest” times in our schedule. It means redirecting our life and pursuing healthier pleasures, the pleasures we gain from healthy eating, a good night’s sleep, God’s creation, and living out our God-given passion and purpose.   Unlike how we are conditioned to believe, it is the little pleasures that make our life worth living. We are reminded in Psalm 1:2 that the righteous seek after the good things, “You thrill to God’s Word.” (The Message) Elder Joseph penned the lyrics to this Shaker song: 'Tis the gift to be simple, 'tis the gift to be free 'Tis the gift to come down where we ought to be, And when we find ourselves in the place just right, 'Twill be in the valley of love and delight. When true simplicity is gain'd, To bow and to bend we shan't be asham'd, To turn, turn will be our delight, Till by turning, turning we come 'round right.   Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator   December 2011 The Biblical stories of Mary and Elizabeth tell the journeys of two women, one very young and one much older, sharing a similar experience. They each conceived through super-natural causes and the birth was foretold by Gabriel, a messenger from God. But how they responded to the announcement was handled very differently. Elizabeth did not experience the angelic visit herself but her husband did. He was told the child would be special and achieve great stature with God. When Elizabeth realized she was pregnant, her response was to go off alone for five months. We don’t know where or how she spent this time but we know it was in solitude. (Luke 1:24) The wonder of having a child in her old age must have been unimaginable; at least we know it was for her husband. Mary received confirmation of her pregnancy some six months later through a personal visit from Gabriel. What a surprise encounter for one so young and single and she had a question to ask.  “How can this be, since I am a virgin?”  Gabriel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come upon you and the power of the Highest will hover over you and your child will be called Holy, the Son of God.  Oh, and, by the way, your older cousin Elizabeth, known to be barren, is pregnant and in her sixth month.” After the angel encounter, instead of wanting to be alone, Mary responded by rushing off to share the experience with another woman.  Who but Elizabeth would understand her awesome story?  Since her pregnancy had the potential to cause her disgrace, she needed someone who would listen and rejoice in her story and understand without condemnation.  Elizabeth receives her with great excitement and truly understands the reality that Mary is carrying the Messiah!  Mary bursts into praise and worship.  Don’t you wish you knew more about their interaction?  We do know the visit with Elizabeth lasted for about three months. (Luke 1:56)  Perhaps Mary was present when Elizabeth gave birth. Like Elizabeth and Mary, we don’t all respond the same way to a similar experience.  Some are very private and seek solitude to process their thoughts before wanting to share with anyone.  For others they have a need to talk it out or verbalize their feelings with a compassionate friend, trying to make sense of what is happening in their journey.  As we care for others, we will do well to respect the differences in each other, to ask the Spirit for discernment in our spiritual care. Sometimes it is best that we wait in intercessory prayer for those who need personal space and time.  For others, we make ourselves available, putting aside our own personal agenda and listen compassionately and lovingly as they pour out their story.  Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator November 2011 Last week we were notified that the password for our on-line banking account needed to be changed, again. There was no getting into the account without making the change. I must confess that composing new passwords for web accounts is not one of my favorite things to do. And I did some complaining. How do you come up with new passwords all the time? And where do you store this list of passwords for the numerous accounts so that they are kept current and secure but available? Keeping all the passwords up to date and recorded could turn into the equivalent to a part time job. In all my complaining about the password dilemma, imagine my surprise when I discovered God has a password. While meditating  on Psalm 100:4 from the Message, I read, “Enter with the password, ‘thank , you.’ Make yourselves at home, talking praise. Thank Him. Worship Him.”   In the New Testament, Phil. 4:6, we are reminded, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. In the book, The Greatest Lessons I’ve Ever Learned, Ruth Bell Graham talks about her insight of God’s password. “Suddenly I realized that the missing ingredient in my prayers had been, ‘with thanksgiving.’ So I put down my Bible and spent time worshiping Him.  This covers more territory than any one mortal can comprehend.” It appears that in our coming into the presence of God there is a sacred ingredient we need to bring with us - a spirit of gratitude.  A genuine thankful heart does not come easy.  It’s a rare day when we feel totally content.  Usually we are hoping or wishing for something we think would make our lives happier.  We’re like spoiled children, always asking and seldom saying, “I love you.” A spirit of gratitude is not the same as saying ‘thank you’ at the right time and often, such as saying grace at mealtime or making a list of things we are thankful for at Thanksgiving.  It is not about counting our blessings instead of sheep.  It is a kind of joy, deep within our spirit, an acceptance of life even when we would wish our reality or past happenings to be different.  To experience this deep joy takes a deliberate effort on our part of reflecting on our humanness and God’s holiness. The prayer of Julian of Norwich helps me understand what a spirit of gratitude is about: “God, of your goodness give me yourself, for you are enough for me.  I can ask for nothing less that is completely to your honor, and if I do ask for anything less, I shall always be in want.  Only in you I have all.” I am so grateful to know that God’s password never needs to be updated. And I need not fear that I may forget where I wrote it down.  It remains the same, with thanksgiving.  Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator October 2011 In gatherings where prayer requests are given, I often come away with a deep concern for how hard it is to reach below the surface in what we bring as a request, myself included. In general the requests become somewhat predictable. They include health concerns, loss of jobs, and difficult relationships of our friends and families. They go something like this, “Please pray for my co-worker’s mother’s sister who just discovered she has cancer.” When we only hear these types of requests, does it convey the concept that God is a Santa Claus or we only go to God for crisis stuff? Don’t take me wrong - there is a place for these needs. But prayers of this nature tend to keep us focused “out there” instead of paying attention to our soul needs. And then I wonder, is it possible our requests are more of a news release than a prayer request? If you have been a leader of prayer times you are probably aware of the challenge to nudge others to focus on spiritual needs. What are the day to day heart cries, the unfulfilled longings we each carry, or praises for my recent spiritual victories? How can leaders encourage women to offer these personal needs in a safe place, a place where the group is small enough and the confidentiality pledge is understood? In several of our conference churches one of the responses to the Sister Care seminar has been to encourage women to be more reflective of personal spiritual needs. Leaders have organized regular gatherings for women with three parts, each about 30 minutes; a Bible study or devotional, a faith journey story shared by someone in the group, and a prayer time. The prayer time divides the women into small groups led by designated leaders who encourage women to be more intentional about praying "below the surface”. Here are some guidelines they have found helpful. 1. LListening to the faith stories of others allows opportunity to be reflective of our own personal journey. Everyone has a story. 2. Confidentiality is a must to establish trust - what happens in the group, stays in the group. 3. Communicate to the whole group the prayer time expectations, how soul-care is important and we are attempting to focus on personal spiritual needs. To provide continuity the prayer groups remain the same with the same leader. There may be times the leader will want to follow up with one-on-one contacts between meeting times. 4. Have an approximate ending time and dismiss from the prayer groups. Encourage woman to leave the building when prayers are completed so other groups are not disturbed by chatter in the hallways. The prayers of blessing of the apostle Paul recorded in the epistles are wonderful examples of soul-care praying. Perhaps prayer leaders could use one of these as a blessing to her group as they depart. Here are just a few examples: “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” (Romans 15:13) “I keep asking that God… may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation so that you may know Him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you. “ (Ephesians 1:17-19) “The peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:7) Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator September 2011 In the world of her grandmother, Dawn says spirituality was mediated by a “sense of place.”  This sense of place is how her grandmother made sense of her world.  It included a stable family system, belonging to a specific church community, and living in a specific geographical area where she lived her entire life. Spiritual formation happened by a process of absorption.  By watching and being part of the larger Mennonite community, children absorbed the structures and practices of honesty, secure family life, marital fidelity, the need of private prayer, the commitment to church, the helping of neighbors.  “There was not so great a need for explicit formation, because it was being done also by the structures with which one was surrounded.”  Dawn discovered her own life is more normal for a new generation, a different breed of Mennonite, whose lives, like many Americans, are more characterized by a sense of displacement than a sense of place.  For many today the practices of her grandmother’s life have been sporadic and fragmented if not non-existent. To survive in this era, Nelson believes spiritual formation or how Mennonites develop their spirituality, has to be more intentional then she experienced.  “As our young adults have become part of a larger, global world, living away from tight knit communities, they need a faith that is larger than the previous communities from which they are leaving.” She acknowledges that we cannot go back to a spirituality based on place and secure structures and shares her concern for retaining the community emphasis.  “We don’t want to lose the realization of what we do with people and what we do with God are always related…Many who grew up this way take the values and practices for granted and do not understand how they can be unfamiliar Good News in the larger society…Mennonites are experiencing a stripping away of their previous experience of God, a loss of their customary communal/agricultural forms of knowing God, and are searching for new patterns and practices.” How can Mennonites find new patterns to do spiritual formation in a way that is not a total disconnect yet still sustain Anabaptist values in a postmodern, fragmented world? The solution Dawn offers is to teach and to embrace the spiritual practices that grow the inner life. “If we have only the communal element of our faith, we lose the vitality and the power needed to truly follow Jesus in all of life.” Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator August 2011 I enjoy seeing rocks included as part of home landscaping enhancement so when I saw the ad for fiberglass rocks to cover the unsightly well cap in our back yard, I was sure it was the perfect solution. The rocks, a package of three, arrived in the mail and we eagerly positioned the largest one over the well cap, planting some ivy and other perennials around it. The other two were positioned at opposite corners of the house. Don questioned the length of the wires sent in the package to fasten them securely so we were careful to push them into the ground and to pack the ground and mulch around them. Standing at the front door one summer day I was assessing the damage of the afternoon thunderstorm. Across the road in our neighbor’s yard I spotted an unfamiliar object. Looking more closely I identified it as one of our fiberglass landscaping rocks. I walked outside and nonchalantly looked around to see who may be watching as I crossed the road to our neighbor’s property.  Just as I reached out to pick up the rock, my neighbor called to me, “What happened?”  Caught in the act I bashfully admitted that the wind had blown our “rock” into her yard.  She expressed surprise that it was not real and we laughed together.  The rock was again anchored, reasoning that the wind had been unusually strong that day. Several months later, the doorbell rang and there stood my neighbor with the same “rock” in her hand.  With a big smile she reported that she was driving home and saw this strange object along the road and immediately recognized it as our “rock.” She stopped her car, retrieved it and with delight was returning it to me.  This time the run-away rock was placed in our garage where we could keep a close eye on it for a while! When the winds of life blow in our lives it takes a solid faith to stand firm and remain grounded.  When we are in the middle of a storm our faith is tested harshly.  The winds will tug and the weight of our spiritual foundation will be discovered.  Will our faith hold firm like a real rock or is our faith only skin deep and we are hollow on the inside because we have not taken responsibility for our own faith building? The building time for a strong spiritual foundation happens best when we are not in stormy places.  There is more energy for growing and nurturing our spirituality during the tranquil times;  the quiet reflective moments during personal meditation, listening to the lyrics of gospel and spiritual songs while driving in the car, praying the Psalms, hearing the spiritual journey stories of others and studying the scripture in a Sunday School class or a women’s Bible study.  Taking time for building a firm spiritual foundation when we are not in a crisis provides stability when all else seems to be disappearing. Priscilla Owens must have understood the importance of a solid spiritural foundation when she penned the lyrics for the hymn, We Have an Anchor, (1882) based on Hebrews 6:19. Will your anchor hold in the storms of life, When the clouds unfold their wings of strife? When the strong tides lift, and the cables strain, Will your anchor drift or firm remain? We have an anchor that keeps the soul Steadfast and sure while the billows roll, Fastened to the Rock which cannot move, Grounded firm and deep in the Savior's love.    Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator July 2011 Reflecting on the lives of persons who have influenced us in positive ways is a healthy exercise. This reflection usually occurs when we learn of their death and we stop the regular routine long enough to allow the memories to surface. Recently I took time for reflection when I learned of the death of my Aunt Kathryn. I probably spent more time in her home playing with my cousins than other relatives. They lived just several blocks from my Grandmother, where I spent the summers I was 10 and 11, providing companionship after Grandfather died. Afternoons were sometimes spent playing with my cousins. The obituary credits Aunt Kathryn as being a homemaker her whole life and taking her vocation seriously. “Her patience with children was unmatched…She was an avid reader…” There were other attributes listed but these were the characteristics that sparked my memories of her influence on my life. Aunt Kathryn could read aloud like no one else I knew.  In the day when central air and DVD’s were not a given it must have presented some interesting challenges for mothers of young children when afternoon temperatures made it unbearable to play outdoors.  But she seemed to take it all in stride.  If we became restless, she stopped whatever she was doing and invited us to sprawl onto the cool hardwood floor in the living room and read to us.  Among the many children’s classics she read, my favorites were the Uncle Remus stories.  She could mimic the southern dialect as written and I was enchanted with the fable-like mischievous antics of Br’er Rabbit, Br’er Fox and Br’er Bear. (Br’er stands for Brother) As a parent, I made sure our children were introduced to this series. Her patience with our ingenious activities was certainly noteworthy.  One I remember was playing “store.”  This consisted of gathering all the items stocked in her pantry and carrying them to the playroom where we set up a grocery store.  We took turns being the shopper or the clerk.  She allowed the store display to remain for several days and sometimes she was the shopper herself when she needed an ingredient for a dish she was preparing.  We knew at some point or when we tired of the game all the groceries needed to be returned to the shelves. I can only imagine the difficulty she had in locating the items after our creative arrangement and I wish I could say my mother patience was equal during the years I was parenting young children! Do you ever wonder what will be written in your obituary?  What will others decide is important to be remembered about our lives? The legacy we leave is part of the ongoing fundamentals of life.  Our words, actions and body language do impact others for the good or not so good.  Having positive examples motivates us to follow Christ’s life of sacrificial love.  We long to live this sacrificial life but find ourselves often missing the mark. And just when we feel alone in our struggles, God sends the right person at the right time, encouraging us to be faithful.  A Christian writer, Grace Burnham, writes, “The special people God gives us along the way make us stronger to face the trials of an ugly world.” Sometimes these are persons from our past, described in Hebrews 12 as a “great crowd of witnesses” cheering us on, and sometimes they are those living among us.  The Bible gives us some examples; Ruth had Naomi, Esther had Mordecai, Mary had Elizabeth, Eunice had Lois. And so, my dear sisters, be aware of the words and touch of those around you and give thanks.  For me they include Aunt Kathryn and many, many others.  And watch for the open doors God gives you to be that special person in someone else’s life. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator June 2011 It was a beautiful spring wedding held in a small country Methodist church in Virginia. The ceremony was simple and inspirational. But the real God-moment happened later, at the wedding reception, between an older married couple, the parents of the groom. The mother of the groom, diagnosed with advanced Alzheimer’s disease and mostly unresponsive during the event, suddenly became animated as the bride was dancing with her father to the music and lyrics of “You Make Me Feel So Young.” The music stimulated a connection in the diseased brain cells and a memory of her past became alive. With a big smile and a light in her eyes, she took the hands of her surprised husband, pulled him to his feet and began to dance! For those of us sitting nearby we couldn’t keep the tears from flowing. And if this was not soul-stirring enough, she mouthed the words ‘I love you.’ The unexpected interaction was too much. The husband, overcome with emotion, fled from the reception hall as the groom quickly came to the rescue to be his mother’s dance partner. It was a moment that would linger as I pondered the contrast between the ecstasy of the newly wed and those of us who have weathered the relationship over many years. We enter into the marriage covenant oblivious to our destiny.  It is an act of faith into the unknown, trusting that God will provide the guidance and grace we need as we figure out how to navigate the marriage journey in an imperfect world. Along the path are bumps and unexpected turns, even the possibility of a personality change of a spouse due to brain injury or disease. Gary Smalley, a Christian counselor and author, writes in his book, The Seasons of Marriage, that marriage is always a work in process, full of unanticipated changes.  “We can adapt to the difficulties but we cannot control them…Some changes, such as sexual infidelity, strike at the very heart of a marriage. Other changes are simply a natural part of life, such as illness, aging, or a new job…The only choice as couples is how we respond to these changes that will determine the quality of the marriage.”  Smalley continues that if we respond well to these changes, in harmony with our spouse, the marriage will be kept in the spring/summer season.  If we do not respond well or if our response clashes with our spouse’s response, we will feel the chill and icy blast of fall/winter. In our culture the marriage relationship is not usually discussed openly with others and certainly it is important to honor privacy.  Confidentiality needs to be respected for trust to develop in a relationship. These same boundaries prevent us from learning how others successfully chart the course through life’s changes, leaving us to speculate that we are the only relationship experiencing difficulties. There is benefit in the older teaching the younger by providing opportunities for open discussion about marriage. Are there ways that older sisters can be more vulnerable in telling the stories of their struggles and healing without violating the privacy of their marriage relationship? Telling our stories is a powerful way to pass on wisdom from generation to generation especially when we can witness to God’s presence in the times that things just do not seem to make sense.  Joni Eareckson once said, “For wisdom is more than just seeing our problems through God’s eyes—it's also trusting Him even when the pieces don’t seem to fit.” In the difficult experiences of marriage there is a temptation to ignore or deny the self-work God may be calling us to do. Self-sufficiency is applauded in our world. To not be in control or to seek professional counseling is perceived to be a sign of weakness. But Jesus invites us to bring all our cares, the things that prevent us from adapting to the unanticipated changes, and experience the abundant life only God can provide.  At times that may mean attending a marriage retreat or seeking the help of a professional. Sarah Young paraphrases it like this, “Thank Me for the difficulties in your life, since they provide protection from the idolatry of self-reliance.” Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator   May 2011 The Kitchen Table - A Ministry of Sister Care I was inducted into motherhood when I held our firstborn infant son in my arms, November 30, 1964.  As I unwrapped the soft blanket and checked to be sure the body parts were all there, my needs became ssecond and I looked at the world with new eyes. Life would forever be changed. The wonder and awe of this helpless infant was almost overwhelming. But my mother love muscles soon began to grow with the 24/7 caring responsibilities to keep him safe and well. Joan Borysenko, who holds a doctorate in anatomy and cellular biology, describes the mother-infant relationship in her book, Minding the Body, Mending the Mind. “As the caring continues mothers often become the primary caretaker. The infant becomes bonded to the caretaker and has no separate sense of self. The mother and baby are one. The mommy mirrors baby. If the baby coos, we coo. If baby cries with hunger, mother responds with milk. If baby is tired and needs to sleep, mother leaves baby to rest. If baby is fascinated with her toes, mother takes delight is the fascination without interrupting it. But if mother is out of sync with the baby rhythm—absent when baby “needs” or intrusive when baby needs space—then baby feels out of joint with life…” Each child comes packaged with a different rhythm. What works for one child is not right for another.  So how do we learn when to “leave them and when to hold them?”  I would dare to suggest it is the question that possesses every mother throughout the parenting years. How do I get it right? First, mothers (parents) are to train and nurture their children. It is easy to approach the mother career by believing we need to bend our child into our own image rather than guide the development of the child’s own God designed uniqueness.  Some years ago I copied this quote. “You cannot ever control another human being, even if that human being is your own child…You may discipline and teach, you may train, you may point the right course, you may shape behavior patterns, you may reason, you may plead.  But you cannot and may not ever control.”  Controlling sends the child the message that they are only loveable when and if they do what mother wants, preventing them from discovering their true self. Second, we are called to live by faith - placing our mother responsibilities and our child into God’s hands. The Creator, knows our children better than we ever will know them.  When invited, the Spirit of Christ takes up residency within to help us be the mother our child needs. We don’t need all the answers. We only need to trust the One who does. And third, Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow.  There is nothing to be gained in stressing out about our child’s future.  We were created with the capacity to live in the moment – not the worry of tomorrow or being stuck in the past by dwelling on the guilt of our mistakes.  There is abundant life in living this moment in the Presence of God. To do that requires some discipline and brain exercise to keep our minds focused on the present, trusting the future to the Creator and asking for the forgiveness of our past failures. When the cares of motherhood become heavy, remember there is a “sister” nearby who has some mothering experience under her belt.  It helps us grow when we voice our concerns and challenges with another, to get our dark thoughts out into the open, so that the light of Christ can shine into our hearts and minds. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator

April 2011 The Kitchen Table - A Ministry of Sister Care There is so much to learn from other women.  This winter several of my “sisters” introduced our women’s group to “Winter Sowing”, the planting of seeds in a recycled container which acts as a miniature greenhouse.  The containers (plastic milk jugs, two liters soda bottles or clear plastic containers) are then placed outdoors where the seeds get the same weather and temperatures as nature provides but in a protected environment. When seeds are planted directly into the ground they are at risk for being washed out in downpours, eaten by birds, squirrels, or other animals.  They can dry out in the wind or rot in the soil.  In the bleak month of February, I decided to try my hand at “Winter Sowing.”  The recycled container is now outdoors with the small top open, waiting for warmer temperatures and the miracle to burst forth in the form of tiny tomato plants.  I keep looking inside the mini-greenhouse, making sure the soil stays moist, watering occasionally as needed. I know if the conditions are right the seeds will sprout. Gardening was a family activity as far back as I can remember. I remember the freshly tilled soil sifting between my small bare toes in the early summer. It felt so good. Other gardening memories are not quite so pleasant. Long rows of peas to be picked appeared to be never-ending as the heat of the sun created beads of perspiration. The part I most looked forward to was sitting under the shade of the large tree in our back yard to remove the peas from the pods or husk the corn while my parents told childhood stories to keep us entertained. The gardening tradition continued with our children until they were grown and left the nest.  It wasn’t always easy to fit gardening into our family schedule. Softball, little league and camping always seemed to come when the vegetables were ripe for harvesting. But we managed somehow.  Now our grandchildren are experiencing the wonder of watching green sprouts push through the ground.  When we visit during the growing season we are led to the garden by a small hand for “show and tell.” In the book, Living More With Less, 30th Anniversary Edition, the author writes, “We find that growing vegetables and fruit, with the care and daily observation they require, has nurtured our spirits as well as our stomachs. The garden is a source of entertainment and investigation for our girls. They report on the nature of wheel bugs, the daily status of our ripening strawberries, or the whereabouts of our latest groundhog threats.” We are made up of body, soul and spirit. To experience wholeness we know we need to give attention to all three.  When one is neglected the other two don’t do so well. Gardening touches all three components. Unlike the gym or treadmill indoors, nothing quite replaces the gardening exercise of partnering with God in the cycle of nature. Getting dirt under the fingernails allows time to nourish the soul as we ponder the mystery in the transformation of a lifeless seed into a living plant.  Our spirit is restored in the faithfulness of God as we witness the promise God gave to Noah, “For as long as Earth lasts, planting and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night will never cease.”  Genesis 8:22 Even though I have not yet seen a green sprout in my gallon container outside my house, I know there is life in those seeds.  God can be trusted to come through.  He is faithful. By the time you read this article, spring will have arrived and the ground will have gotten warmer. The spring flowers and trees will be blooming, the robins will be digging worms from the green sod and hopefully my Winter Sowing will produce a few tomato plants. Spring happens every year. New sprouts come from dead seeds. I can count on it.   Thank you, God, for your faithfulness! Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator The March 2011 issue will be released at a later time. February 2011 As each of our boys reached the age of 15, they took an after school job near our house. Break time came at 6:00 – 6:30 PM and we tried to delay family dinner so they were included at the table. It was not always convenient to do so, for sure, and there were times when I wondered if it was really that important to eat together.  But one day a comment from one of them changed my perspective.  “I’m really glad you guys wait for me.  I wouldn’t know what happened in everyone’s day if you ate dinner without me.”  Keeping family rituals can be a difficult task in the life of busy families, like having one meal a day together, all family members at the table at the same time.  I recently discovered that this issue is not only a concern of Christian families but for society at large. My friend, Johanna Cordell, a social worker, leads a discussion on this topic for families as part of her workplace assignment in an organization that is not faith-based.  Here is what she includes in her presentation. For many, today’s lifestyle makes it difficult to support routine family mealtime.  After-school activities, two working parents, and conflicting schedules are just a few reasons why families are not gathering around the table.  The concept of shared family meals is certainly not new but instead has become increasingly difficult to practice.  One study completed by the University of Minnesota (Project EAT-1) revealed that middle school students ate with their families an average of 5.4 meals per week and high school students an average of 3.9 times per week. In addition to eating more fruits and vegetables and less sugary or high calorie foods, family meals promote emotional, intellectual, and social development for all members (Project EAT-II).  Children are generally happier and thrive when given structure and security.  Shared family meals can be one part of their routine.  The benefit also applies directly to our body’s physical wellbeing.  Eating together often produces laughter and fun at the dinner table!  It is also where parents have tremendous influence as children have the opportunity to closely observe all actions.  Small children often have limited tastes and need encouragement to try a variety of new foods.  Core values like sharing, respect, and gratitude are easily modeled in this setting, along with polite table manners.  It should not be assumed children are able to learn these life skills on their own.  Consider the number of meals your family is currently sharing together and discuss what a realistic goal may be.  If, for example, the entire family currently gathers at the table for meals twice a week is it possible to increase this to five?  Before trying to establish a new mealtime routine it may be helpful to determine specific reasons why your family does not eat together.  If you are seeking to increase communication between family members, consider working together to identify potential problems.  As all members are provided an opportunity to participate, creative ideas will most likely emerge.  Once a realistic solution is obtained make a plan of action and follow through.  Try the plan for at least two weeks before changing your goal or solution.        Some helpful hints to make your plan of action more successful: ·         Establish a regular time when meals will be shared.  If evenings are not a good option, try breakfast.  It does not matter which meal is shared.      ·         Remove distractions.  Turn off the TV and turn on the answering machine. ·         Keep conversation positive, allowing time for everyone to talk and listen.  Sit at the table, not the countertop. ·         Planning ahead often reduces stress and preparation time.  Meals do not have to look perfect.  Nutrition is most important.   Emotional presence at the family table is just as important as the physical presence. Cell phone interruptions and texting during dinner sends the message that the family is not as important as our business or other friends.  For Christian parents the family table provides the opportunity for pausing at that moment to thank God for the gifts of the day, the gift of food and to offer prayers for each child as appropriate. Children can be invited to offer prayers as well. What a wonderful ritual to communicate God’s love and your love to your family members! Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator January 2011 On a recent episode of the “The Nanny” a family with three little boys, ages 7 to 18 months, was preparing to move to a new home.  Due to the husband’s job they had moved numerous times in the past two years and the parents were rightly concerned about the stress the new transition would create for the children. Nanny’s solution?  She presented each of the little guys with a small sports bag with a few essential items they would need in their new home; a cuddy throw blanket, toothbrush and toothpaste, shampoo, comb and pajamas. She then invited the boys to add a favorite stuffed animal and a few of their special toys.  The boys were thrilled with their bags and ran off to gather the precious items. Surprisingly, they did not gather an over abundance of items or overstuff their bags. They returned with the task completed and without prompting began imagining they were already at their new home. With excited giggles the bags were unzipped and contents dumped onto the floor. They carefully spread out the soft blankets and laid on them while hugging a stuffed animal and gazing at all their familiar stuff. They performed the ritual over and over again, preparing emotionally and physically for the expected transition.  Entering a new year is like moving – to a new place in time.  What am I taking with me to my new reality?  What are the basic activities in my bag and what are the activities for which I have choices? Busyness is one of our worst enemies. Our lives are like over packed suitcases, bursting at the seams. We stuff more and more activities into our life (even good choices), creating more and more busyness, leaving little time to evaluate what is really important to take with us and what to leave behind. We hurry from one activity to another and our busyness creates unfulfilled spaces in the heart that we fill with more activity which leads to more emptiness. We long for peace in our soul yet find no time to be still. Jesus invites us to peace. He tells us His burden is light and there is rest for our soul. “Peace on earth” cannot be found unless we spend time in His presence and give prayerful attention to what is hindering our peace. He longs to sit with us and to communicate with us. “I stand at the door. I knock. If you hear me call and open the door, I'll come right in and sit down to supper with you.” (The Message)  Hearing His voice happens when we quiet ourselves long enough to hear the knocking and open the door.  I value the sisters in my life who have loved me enough to ask the hard questions relating to being too busy.  It was often the nudge I needed to stop and take a look at my calendar, to access the value of my busyness that left no room for quiet time. Giving up control of my calendar by taking time for prayerful reflection with my Creator is a spiritual practice that helps me discover what I am called to be and do in this life. Lorraine Eby Franklin Conference Sister Care Coordinator December 2010  One of my favorite things to do on mother’s sewing day was to play with her button collection. The buttons were in several jars and kept in a drawer where she stored fabric. Some were new and others snipped from clothing that was beyond repair. I liked the sound of pouring them out onto the table and it kept me busy sorting by colors and sizes. On one particular sewing day, just several weeks before Christmas, I went to the drawer to take out the buttons. As my small hands reached for the drawer handles mother’s voice became urgent as she called out, “Don’t open the drawer!” The warning was too late. I already had the drawer partly open and there lay several of the most beautiful doll outfits I had ever seen. She had somehow managed to sew them without me knowing. As soon as I saw them I realized they were intended for Christmas gifts. I knew by the size they could only fit the new doll on my wish list. My happiness suddenly turned into deep sadness. In my eagerness to play with the buttons I had discovered a Christmas surprise before Christmas. Oh, what a sad day it was! Mother tried to comfort me but I could not be consoled. The high and lows of life are usually triggered by surprises. Within a split second we can be filled with happiness and wonder or wishing we would wake up from a dream. When the surprises along the path of life lead to cliffs or resting places, we are invited to enjoy the rhythm by living in God's presence, placint the outcomes into His hands.  The Advent season is about hope, to wait in hope, in expectation of God’s intervention, or God’s surprises in our world. Just as the people in the Old Testament waited for God to send the promised Messiah, many missed it when it happened because they were looking in all the wrong places. God had a better plan. He revealed Himself to the lowly shepherds, those least expected for sure. What a surprise!  Just as those of long ago, we often miss God’s surprises – His better plan. We live in a world where bigger and better define our expectations. We are so influenced by super size, super stars, and high definition that we tend to view life through a lens that magnifies what we expect out of the world. Looking in all the wrong places, we miss the small things in life, God’s surprises. Waiting for God to fill in all the blank spaces in life is a trust walk. We enter this walk of trust knowing it will be full of God’s surprises. If our hope is in circumstances we believe make us happy, we will be disappointed. His surprises are about possibilities beyond our humanness, beyond how we reason life to be, a faith that continues to see possibilities when there is no present evidence. It is a way to live, not just to survive, amidst all the challenges of life. Over the span of four thousand years, God revealed himself to be a God of newness, of possibility, of redemption. Living in hope is about trusting the endings to go beyond what we can think or even imagine. “God who by his mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of - infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, or hopes.”  Ephesians 3:20, Living Bible. During this Advent season, may all my sisters live in hope, seeking the awareness of God’s presence in every circumstance and receive the surprise gift of God’s better plan.   -Lorraine Eby, Franklin Conference Sister Care coordinator

November 2010 It was a dark night as our family arrived at the lane leading to a cabin in the woods where we planned to spend a few days. To enter, someone needed to lave the car, go outside in the dark and open the locks on the gate.  One of our boys, home during a college break, offered to perform the task. As he returned to the car we were surprised to hear him repeating to himself, “Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me, Jesus loves me…”  After a good laugh, we learned this was his coping method as a child to reassure himself that Jesus loved him and nothing could harm him in the dark. His prayer chased away fear and allowed him to focus on God’s presence. Prayer is one of the most familiar spiritual practices (an intentional effort to come into the presence of God.)  Repeating phrases from a scripture or a hymn is a very practical way to pray that helps focus on a truth we want to embrace or own. Repeating a phrase from the familiar hymn, “There is a place of quiet rest…” helps when I feel anxious. Those who have studied the function of the brain tell us that reading or expressing something verbally is very effective for fixing that concept into our mind. “It illustrates a type of self-talk that can powerfully change your mind.” (Dr. Archibald Hart)  Children are so honest in their prayers.  They just pray about how they feel and in simple faith believe that God hears and will answer. To develop a deep relationship with anyone, including God, requires honesty. That means being able to share our real selves, our praises as well as the times we are not so pleased with how God is directing our journey.  Henri Nouwen in his book, “Making All Things New” says, “The more we train ourselves to spend time with God and Him alone, the more we discover that God is with us at all times and all places.”  He suggests it is better to spend 10 minutes every day focusing on God’s presence than one hour once in a while.  Prayer is not just about making requests to God. To have a quality relationship with God requires some listening. In John 15:9 Jesus invites us to “make yourselves at home in my love.” (From The Message) Can we be so comfortable in God’s love and presence that we can relax and just listen?   As believers each of us has direct access to God but it does require intentional practice and effort. Over time prayer changes us from the inside out.  Are there other ways to hear God then through his Word?  I believe there are.  We may not hear Him in a human voice but what we do receive are promptings in our thoughts in the “listening” times, the still small voice of the Spirit in the silence.  We get to choose to either obey or ignore it.  Committing to a deeper prayer life is a life-long journey.  We never really arrive. Our prayer needs change as we grow and change. To intentionally seek a deeper level in our prayer life may require some support from a sister friend to keep you accountable.  It could involve exploring with someone one-on-one or through a group book study. It could also happen as you seek out a prayer mentor by approaching a sister that you believe models depth in the spiritual practice of prayer. Lorraine Eby, Sister Care Coordinator Franklin Mennonite Conference, The Burning Bush, Used by permission October 2010 A Ministry of Sister Care It was a special moment as my “sister” friend placed a small glass bird into my hand.  I had shared a deep spiritual struggle with her earlier and she brought the bird as a spiritual symbol for me to keep for a while to remind me of God’s love, that He would protect the inner core of my being just as He watches over the birds of the air.  The small bird reminding me of God’s presence felt warm and comforting. I kept the bird in a desk drawer at the office and held it often in the weeks to come at moments when I needed to be reminded that God loved and cared about my inner most being.  Your spiritual journey may not have included symbols as part of your “Mennonite Spirituality.”  We are much more familiar with the real and practical, “serving others as unto God”. We are so busy - balancing a career, caring for home and family, serving on church and school committees. Because we are so grounded in the practical it causes us to be suspicious of the abstract, the mystical awareness of God.  We know God loves us but doesn’t that mean I just need to work harder for God to show Him how much I love Him? What is it like to really experience God’s indescribable love without the guilt of not serving others enough? Within each of us is a deep longing for God.  We grow tired of trivial experiences and shallow teaching and long for the real, the lasting. Maybe we experienced a small taste of the “real” but got caught up in our busy life again and it soon vanished. “As a hart longs for flowing streams, so longs my soul for thee, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God,” writes the psalmist. (Ps 42:1, 2)  Filling the longing, the inner life with God, requires time - time we just don’t have in our already busy schedules.  Like the cliché, “a woman’s work is never done”, our life is in perpetual motion.  Dawn Ruth Nelson in her recent book, A Mennonite Woman Exploring Spiritual Life and Identity, says for Mennonite women (particularly those over 50) our spirituality has been the close spiritual community of the church. And while this is a special gift, we need more. To become like Christ, inwardly and outwardly, requires paying attention to our personal spirituality as well. What will sustain our own inner life in the global culture where the close spiritual community no longer exists? About a year ago our conference launched the “Journey With God” theme.  For some of us we are slowly figuring out what that is all about. It is not a program. It is about paying attention to our personal spirituality. It is about spiritual practices, things we can do, an experiential journey, a journey that invites us to seek God’s presence. We do this by realizing how much God loves us, by taking time for reflection, and intentionally learning spiritual practices that encourage God-awareness as we listen for God’s voice within.     What better way to begin the “Journey with God” (or spiritual practices) than to seek out another sister or a group and together dedicate yourselves to seek God on a deeper personal level. You may want to share a meaningful spiritual symbol that reminds you of the presence of God and to help you “…grasp how wide, long, high and deep is the love of Christ.” (Eph. 3:18) Next month we will begin looking at specific spiritual practices. Lorraine Eby, Sister Care Coordinator Franklin Mennonite Conference, The Burning Bush, Used by permission

September 2010  It was the first day of school and the school bus had come and gone.  There had been other first days of school but this time our youngest child was among the bus passengers.  I thought I had prepared myself for the event, was actually looking forward to it, but when the moment came I suddenly felt anxiety. Life was about to change. What will this new life be like without pre-schoolers in the house? The opening of school this year may mean your youngest child is going off to kindergarten or packing for college.  Transitions for mothers are closely tied with the development stages of our children.  I am told by the experts that next to childbirth the empty nest is one of the biggest transitions of motherhood. Children bring so much energy into our lives and it takes a lot of energy to keep the household together, especially if we are working outside the home. Although we know in our heads our children will not be in our house forever, we are so busy and consumed with their nurture there is little time to prepare the heart for life without them. Then suddenly they’re gone and we’re left with a full refrigerator, less laundry, a clean bedroom and an empty family room. The empty nest syndrome is real. There are feelings of loneliness, loss and grief to be recognized.  Life is moving from a familiar routine into the unknown. We were just getting good at the mothering technique and now those skills are no longer needed.  Without the busyness of nurturing our children we are forced to focus on ourselves, the person we no longer know very well, and wonder who this woman approaching mid-life is. There are other sisters around you who are walking the same journey.  There are others who have survived the empty nest syndrome and lived to tell the story. Our culture teaches us to be independent and strong, to not need others or even God to assist us.  We would rather go it alone, put on a mask and pretend we have it together then admit we are not handling the transition very well. In the process we isolate ourselves and the fear and anxiety increases, resulting in the overwhelming sense of loneliness. In the empty nest stage, your life becomes you own again. To every ending there is a new beginning.  What are some new adventures you now have time to explore? Will time for meditation and growing with God be a priority?  Have you and your spouse been planning some new goals for life without the kids?    How long has it been since you had the time to sit down with another sister and talk about real life issues like the feelings you are experiencing?  Conversations with other Moms at the soccer games are usually less intense so this level of communicating may take some practice. The Bible often talks about the importance of voicing what is close to our heart. James 5:16 suggests that confession can heal. There is healing in expressing our feelings of fear, anxiety and loneliness to one another and to God.  May all of my sisters who are facing transitions in the journey of motherhood experience the gift of a caring sister to walk the journey together. Lorraine Eby, Sister Care Coordinator Franklin Mennonite Conference

July 2010 The article for this issue is a continuation of the March column in which we learned personal story telling is providing a helpful resource at Pleasant View Mennonite, both to those who tell the stories and those who hear the stories.  This month we learn their response to the two-part question, "How is telling personal stories benefiting the women's group and/or impacting the whole church?" “The story telling is connecting us in a more personal way. It is enabling us to care and interact on a deeper level, to go beyond surface talk. It is stretching us as we make ourselves vulnerable to each other.” “The women are getting to know each other on a deeper level, personally and spiritually, allowing us to be freer in communicating with each other as we share our needs and prayer requests.” “When I think back to when we first started Sister-Care I thought we knew each other but now, 10 months into our Sister Care gatherings, I feel we have learned so much more. We are more relaxed with each other.  The prayer groups help even more as we share intimate needs.  In turn, there seems to be more of a connectedness and caring for others within the church.” “I believe as we are getting to know each other on a deeper level and being vulnerable in this setting, we are becoming closer and feeling more cared for as a church body.  I feel this is valuable as we work towards becoming a healthier, holistic congregation.” “Although I am not yet sure of the benefits to our whole congregation, it is my hope that we are realizing that we are all on a journey, both in our personal lives and in the life of our church.   God can take the little that we have and make lemonade out of the lemons.   My prayer is that we are seeing each other in a new light and have a greater appreciation for one another.” “The prayer group acts as an accountability group. We share concerns we would not otherwise share because it is a small group of women. It is less threatening to share our deep feelings with just a few. Confidentiality is stressed. We send e-mails, make phone calls, and talk between meetings to find out how each other are doing.” “The small prayer groups ensures that each person in being prayed for.  It also is an awesome feeling to know that women are taking your prayer requests and lifting them up to the Lord during the week/month between meetings.  It has also fostered inter-generational fellowship which might not occur in our church life.” “In the prayer times it has been a learning experience for us to share our own struggles. It is easy to ask for prayer for someone else, our family or friends, our co-worker’s friend, but we are being intentional about looking within our own lives and to share areas that we need prayer. The three prayer group leaders are finding a blessing in caring for the individuals in their group as they become aware of the shared needs.” Thank you, Pleasant View, for allowing us to hear your “story.” May God continue to bless all as you share the hurts and disappointments as well as the goodness of God on the journey together and with God. Lorraine Eby Coordinator of Sister-Care  Franklin Conference

June 2010 How would you respond if asked, “Tell me about your father?”  I’m sure many thoughts and feelings rise to the surface, some pleasant and some maybe not so pleasant. Our description of our dad is our perception based on what we remember. Males and females each bring to parenting the differences that together provide a balance in the nurturing of children. We often associate mothers with daughters and perhaps overlook the importance of dads in the lives of women. Dads today are more involved with their children than perhaps 30 years ago.  When both mother and dad have careers, care of children is usually shared and dad may be the one to drop off or pick up children from day care or school. Some time ago I read the book, Always Daddy’s Girl, written by Norman Wright, psychologist and founder of Christian Marriage Enrichment. After many years of counseling and asking women to tell him about their father, he collected what he calls a gold mine of information about the role of fathers in the lives of daughters. Dr. Wright states, “…No matter how old you are the relationship with your father—whether it was wonderful or painful—had an impact on the woman you are today.    Your relationship with men, your career path, your feelings about yourself—they have all been shaped in your formative years by your father, whether you realize it or not.” He goes on to explain how fathers shape a daughter’s view of whom to marry, her overall self-esteem, her feelings about her physical attributes, and her desire to succeed in life. Dads are the first man a girl falls in love with. If our memories of our father are mostly negative or our father was absent in our childhood, it is important to grieve that tragedy. Healthy grieving results in a sense of acceptance and we can move on.  Unhealthy grieving results in getting “stuck” in our grief by focusing on what is wrong and wanting that to somehow be fixed. Wright suggests we imagine God as the father we never had and always wanted. Parts of God’s character can be observed in other fathers who live a life of blessing and grace. Life cannot always be fixed. Wanting what we do not have has been going on since the beginning of time.  Satan tempted Eve by pointing out something she did not have, the forbidden fruit. The garden was filled with other wonderful, delicious and desirable fruit, but Eve was focused only on what she couldn’t have instead of a feeling of gratitude for that which was abundantly supplied. Perhaps Eve could have benefited by having a Christian sister with whom to process her thoughts and gently remind her of all the good things she had to enjoy in the garden. Jesus invites us to walk with Him with thanksgiving, allowing the Light of His Presence to pour into us through and through.  Life can only be fixed when we draw from His strength and perfect love. Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference.

May 2010 I stopped at the display of Mother’s Day cards and almost reached out to choose one when I realized I have no need to buy a Mother’s Day card this year.  My mother, Elizabeth Martin at the age of 96, passed from this life on January 29. As we emptied the drawers and closet in her room at Menno Haven, we carefully looked through the few earthly possessions she kept and chuckled at some of the “treasures” we found. Among the items in a small box of clippings was a folded letter.  I carefully unfolded it and recognized the handwriting as my own. It was written some 35 years ago and sent on Mother’s Day when I was a young mother. Mother never acknowledged receiving but here it was among the few personal belongings she kept. The letter began, “Each year I let Mother’s Day go by without sending you an original Mother’s Day card. This year I mean to do just that. You know teenagers are so sure they know everything.  But when they become parents they realize how little they really know.  So you see, Mother, I would like to say “thank you” for all the things you taught me. Here are only a few that have come to mind …” The first person we establish a relationship with is our mother.  Daughters are dependent on mothers for survival, to feed and to care for us as young children. During the teenage years, the daughter struggles to be independent and to prove her mother is no longer needed. Then later, when the daughter becomes a mother she suddenly sees life from a different perspective, almost with new eyes. The daughter gains a new respect for her mother as they share the motherhood experience. In the family of God, other women may provide mother figures for us or young girls may look to other women as mentors or coaches.  The apostle Peter suggests it is important for the older women to pass on principles to the younger.  But somewhere along the journey of the mother and daughter, the nurturing role begins to reverse and the younger woman is needed to nurture the older one who becomes dependent on others in the aging process.  The mother now looks to the daughter for emotional and physical needs. After Mother’s memorial service, our three sons and their families came back to the house and it felt so good to have all of them around me that day. As the evening mealtime approached, my daughters-in-law took over the kitchen and announced they were preparing the evening meal, telling me to just relax and let them be "in charge" this time. I realized how much I needed this special care from other women, as they provided emotional and physical sister-care to me in their act of kindness. Later, when the family returned to their homes, I sat down at the computer to check email. There on the edge of the computer screen was a post-it note. “I love you, MawMaw,” it said and was signed by our oldest granddaughter. Later I found more notes with the same message attached to places where she knew I would find them, the mirrors in our bedroom and bathroom and on my bedside stand. At thirteen, she found a way to communicate that she cared about me and my loss as only another woman can do and I was deeply touched.  She was doing what women do best, sister-caring-for-sister.  Women do intuitively nurture each other. They know just what we need at times when we forget the sky is still blue or God seems so silent and far away. God, thank you for the gift of “sisters” who have been there to care for me in my journey of life. May I not miss the opportunities to provide sister-care to others. Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference.

The Kitchen Table   by Lorraine Eby                     March 2010 Telling our story can be a powerful tool for sister care.  As we hear the story of another, we find ourselves somewhere in the story.  I recently learned that the women at Pleasant View Mennonite had formed a Sister Care group and the agenda centered around sharing personal stories.  With their permission, here is their story. For the past ten months a sister-care group of about 23 women gather monthly for an hour and a half. The evening begins with a 30-minute devotional based on a female character from the Bible.  Next, someone from the group is prepared to share a personal story.  The story may be about a specific experience or their life faith journey. (About once a quarter a cooking demonstration or health related discussion is substituted for the faith story). The group then breaks into three small groups for prayer time.  The individuals in the groups remain the same for each gathering with the same leader and each woman is encouraged to share personal prayer needs.  The woman leave the gathering as each prayer group completes their prayer time. What benefit did you receive in the preparation and telling of your story? “In preparing I had to look back over the whole experience and I was continually amazed at and encouraged by God's constant care and guidance. As I told my story, I felt the love and care of every sister there listening. I felt like I was being carried by them.”  “As I prepared to tell my story, God’s grace was found in others who were placed with “purpose” in my life.  I discovered God is always there to reach out to me and to comfort me during trials. But most important for me was seeing God’s hand in my own life story and to see His influence and miracles that may have been previously overlooked, or explained away.” “I saw that God was ultimately in control of my life.  Before I shared, I debated if I should share certain struggles that I had, but I opted to be vulnerable and allow people to see my struggles.” As a listener to other’s story, what has been helpful to you? “It has helped me connect with the storyteller. We may go to church together all of our lives but know so little about their journey, through difficult childhoods and challenging adulthood experiences. It helps me understand the way they interact with others, why they ask certain questions, why they have certain fears, etc.” “To hear how God has affected their story allows me to praise Him along with the storyteller.  Hearing and seeing how they have grown or been strengthened through a trial or difficulty has empowered me to know that we are not alone, that we have “sisters in Christ” and a compassionate God.” “Listening to others tell of their experiences has helped me be more aware of how God weaves his love through different stages of our lives, through hard and difficult times and through easy and happy times.” “I’m discovering we really keep a lot of our difficult moments to ourselves, and by not sharing them we cannot help those around us to better handle what they are going through.  I’m finding each of us have life-lessons that may be of help to our sisters in Christ.” “I was in awe at the grace of God in their life.  I realized anew that God can transform people's lives and although they may not have had a childhood of good memories, God can reach into those situations and by His mercy transform lives!” Next month in part II, we will learn how God is using the faith-stories and prayer groups in the congregational life at Pleasant View congregation. (To be continued in June 2010)

The Kitchen Table   by Lorraine Eby                      February 2010 It’s February – the month that has the least amount of days but seems to be the longest month of the year as we wait for spring.  In the bleak of winter, this is the month everything in the mall is covered in red, hearts and glitter. For those in a marriage relationship Valentine’s Day offers the opportunity to express our love in special ways.  It can also be a reminder that the freshness of new love can wear thin.  One definition given for marriage that I tucked away some years ago went something like this, “marriage is two ordinary people working on an impossible dream.” The story is told of a Jewish couple who went to their Rabbi to receive counsel for a marital conflict.  The Rabbi suggested that they begin with the husband telling his side of the story.  The husband finished by asking, “Am I right?”  The Rabbi responded, “You are right.”  Then the wife was asked to tell her side and when she concluded asked, “Am I right?” The Rabbi said, “You are right.”  The couple looked at each other somewhat confused and the husband said, “We can’t both be right!” To which the Rabbi responded, “You are right.” The “who is right” stories can be heard just about any place women gather - Christian or non-Christian, work place or church gatherings.  In the journey of sister-care we will find ourselves in the dilemma of being asked who is right. It is difficult to listen to the heart cry of another without taking sides. Our compassion reaches out to comfort the hurt one. Believing that conflict can be resolved by establishing who is right and how did it happen is one of life’s greatest myths, according to Dr. Gary Smalley in his book, The DNA of Relationships.  Smalley proposes that conflicts rarely get resolved this way and he writes, “This method is a totally useless pursuit.” So how does conflict get resolved?  In Romans 14:13, the apostle Paul gives some thought to healthy relationships, “Let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in another’s way.”  Smalley suggests that placing blame on another creates a stumbling block or breakdown in communication. “When a person feels emotionally heard and understood they tend to relax because they feel respected or feel you really care about them.  Eventually they will be able to move toward determining right and wrong.” Hurtful words and actions from others can strike a deep fear within the receiver.  The reaction to the fear produces a hurtful response that in turn creates fear in the offender.  Smalley calls this the fear dance, hurtful words create fear and hurtful responses create fear. As long as the “dance” goes on, conflict will not be resolved. To stop the fear dance each party needs to bare some responsibility for their part in the conflict. When walking beside a sister in conflict, it is important to listen to the anger and the hurt and show understanding without taking sides. A way to be helpful may be to carefully guide our friend to focus on how God wants to use the conflict to bring change in both individuals.  Encourage your sister to “…Seek God with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind,” Romans 12:2, paraphrased by Sarah Young from her book, Jesus Is Calling. Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference. The Kitchen Table by Lorraine Eby           January 2010 I was about age five, attending a special weekend meeting with my parents and the church was packed with extra chairs in the aisles. When the children were called to the front for story time, the only seating space was on the steps of the platform. The lesson for the children’s time was obedience.  The guest preacher quoted the first part of Ephesians 6:1, “Children obey your parents…” and asked if anyone could finish the verse.  I boldly raised my hand, confident I knew the correct answer, and belted out, “for this is right and good in the sight of the Lord.”  There was complete silence for a moment and then the audience broke into laughter at the little girl who misquoted the scripture. I was mortified and wished I could vanish like magic. The visiting speaker attempted to redeem the moment by carefully making the correction that perhaps I was thinking of another verse but the laughter of adults and the shame I experienced already left its impression.  Memories, pleasant or unpleasant, become part of our life story.  They can shape us in positive or negative ways.  They form our understanding of how we view ourselves in relation to our world. It becomes our lens of interpreting life or our perception of life. The church full of laughing adults had no idea the little girl in the children’s meeting would remember this incidence for years to come. I really didn’t understand the cause of the laughter until the evangelist made the correction but I perceived that I did something very foolish.  That was my perception.  The reality is adults love to observe children and their responses.  We are inspired by their innocence and find humor in their behavior because adults have all been children.  But a child thinks as a child and doesn’t understand the full picture. We carry our childhood impressions along with us into our adult life. They become part of our memory bank, shaping the perception of ourselves, influencing our self-talk.                       There are no perfect parents or spiritual leaders.  We are all part of a sinful world, shaped by the imperfect behavior of others and in need of a Savior to redeem us. As women, we are good at carrying hurtful memories and letting them fester inside us in silence for years, believing the “lies” that we perceived to be “truth” as a child, or as one person describes as “the mice who build nests when you aren’t looking and eat up all your happiness.” God wants to redeem us from the chain of negative memories by “forgetting what lies behind, and straining forward...” (Philippians 3:13b) Sharing our stories with a caring sister is one of the ways we can break the chain of negative memories by bringing them out of the closets of our mind and voicing them to another.  The “light of Christ” can shine through the love and concern of another sister who cares and can help guide us to “truth”.  What a great way to begin a new year by letting go of the “clutter” of the past and receiving God’s healing touch for our future! Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference.

The Kitchen Table    December 2009  “Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright…” Each year when I first hear this familiar Christmas carol the memories of past Christmas celebrations come to mind. It brings joy as I anticipate celebrating the birth of Jesus with my family and church family. But along with the joy, some sadness comes.  The carol triggers the memory of my grandmother’s death during the month of December some 30 years ago. Celebrations and holidays are very painful times for those who are grieving.  The Christmas carols are reminders that someone will be missing from the family table this year; a spouse, child, parent, grandchild, or maybe a stillborn infant. If the loss was experienced recently, they are wondering how the world can go on like nothing has changed when everything has changed for them. Sisters in these households are feeling alone in their loss while the world around them is celebrating. Reaching out appropriately to someone in grief appears to come easily for some. For others, it does not come naturally. The pain we see in another can trigger deep emotions of fear within ourselves that force us to look at our own mortality. We don’t understand the process of grief very well and feel uncertain about what to do that is helpful.  In fear of doing the wrong thing, I am guilty of doing nothing. Some of us are “fixers” and want to make it all better again as quickly as we can. I am learning that the grief process is not that simple. Some time ago I clipped this quote, “Grief is not a problem to be solved, or a disorder to be cured; it is a process to be lived.”  Grief counselor Doug Manning writes, “Grief ignored does not just go away. It internalizes and comes out in some other way.” Here are some suggestions gleaned from the writings of grief counselors that may be helpful in caring for someone learning to live with loss. Look for opportunities to be involved.  Offer to do grocery shopping and/or baking. Grieving is exhausting and doing holiday baking and shopping may take too much energy and effort this year. If this is the first holiday without a loved one, take a meal to the house. Or invite the family to your home and place a photo or a lighted candle on the table in memory of the deceased. Sending a note to let your sister know you are thinking of her during the holidays is something anyone can do. Be a good listener. Take time to be present and really pay attention. People in grief want to be heard and you may need to listen more than once to the same story. Bring some flowers, brew some tea, or light a candle and sit relaxed. Good listening shows you care and words aren’t always necessary.  Allow your sister to grieve in her own way. Avoid judgmental statements that could make her feel that her behavior is not appropriate. Grieving takes time and many forms as each individual will respond differently. Some may want to escape over the holidays and spend the time away.  Others will want to have family and friends around them. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. Coming to terms with a loss brings out the God questions as expressed in Psalm 88:14, “Why, O Lord, do you hide your face from me?” We can be the “face” of God in our ministry of sister-care, assuring that God does care and we care. Lorraine Eby Coordinator of Sister Care, Franklin Conference, South Central Pennsylvania, northern Maryland Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference.     The Kitchen Table      November 2009 My grandmother, Nora Eshleman, had an interesting room upstairs in her house. It had no bedroom furniture. Instead the room was furnished with about six sewing machines lined around the room. As a child I wondered why grandma had so many sewing machines in one room. I learned that once a month women from her church gathered there to sew for relief.  Known as the Sewing Circle, they sewed patches together to make “comfort” tops and pre-cut clothing items from Mennonite Central Committee. Others knotted comforts on an extension table in the center of the room.  Some congregations had space in their buildings to accommodate sewing machines and the Sewing Circle would meet in the church. As a young child, I often accompanied my mother and remember listening to the conversations between the women as they sewed. In reflecting, I am aware there was more going on at the Sewing Circle than women keeping sewing machines humming for relief. Women were in conversation with one another, listening to each other, sharing their faith stories, affirming one another, exchanging cooking and housekeeping tips and parenting/grandparenting skills. Women of different generations caring for each other in much the same way as women did in earlier times when they came together at the quilting bees or prepared meals for large groups of men at a barn raising. As women entered the workforce in the 70’s, the interest in Sewing Circles in Franklin Conference and church wide began to diminish. In today’s fast-paced world, how are women caring for one another or affirming each other’s gifts?  As families are scattered by distance where do women turn when they are troubled or feel alone in their faith journey? Where are the opportunities for the “older women to teach the younger women?” It happens as women become sensitive to other women and intentionally reach out to listen and encourage one other.  It may be while sitting together watching their children at a school sporting event, doing projects at CVRC, meeting one-on-one at a local restaurant or at the kitchen table over a cup of tea. It can happen in conversation after worship service. As a young mother I sometimes received “a gift of love” in a phone call from one of my older “sisters” telling me I was missed at church when I stayed at home with a sick child. That is what “sister care” is all about, sisters caring for one another.  In this column the focus will be on ways women connect in Franklin Conference today, whether working on mission and service projects together or finding other ways to reach out and share the journey with one another.  How have you been encouraged by another sister? Your story is important and we want to share it at “The Kitchen Table.”  Send to 1278 Sollenberger Road, Chambersburg or email to donloreby1@embarqmail.com Lorraine Eby Coordinator of Sister Care, Franklin Conference, South Central Pennsylvania, northern Maryland Used by permission of The Burning Bush newsletter of Franklin Conference.